Post by Highland Diamonds on Aug 27, 2009 17:43:53 GMT -5
Howard Finkel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the W*I*G World Tag Team Championship!!!!
*The Latin Lovers’ music plays.* www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2M9YHATH2Q
Finkel: Introducing first, the challengers, coming down the aisle, at a combined weight of 522 pounds, from Wherever There Is Lover—Guillermo Miramontes, Casimiro Melendez, THE LATIN LOVERS.
*The Latin Lovers come out to a nice pop from the ladies. The men are somewhat quiet, with a few cheers. Guillermo has on red wrestling trunks with “Te quiero” in blue on the butt, red elbow and knee pads with a blue heart on them, and blue boots with “GM” in red on them. Casimiro has on red tights with “Catalina” in blue on the butt, red elbow and knee pads with blue hearts on them, and blue boots with “CM” in red on them. As they walk to the ring, a pair of panties comes flying towards them and hits Casimiro in the face. He grabs them and stuffs them in his tights. They enter the ring, and each one climbs onto the corners facing the Colvintron. They both blow a kiss to the crowd, and then some pyro goes off, creating a heart design.*
Jeannie Lawless: Latin romantics fighting strong, ruggish, manly Scotts! Christmas has come early for this announcer!
Tom Bailey: As Jeannie has pointed out, we are set to see the Highland Diamonds defend their W*I*G World Tag Team Titles against the Latin Lovers.
Jeannie: You know, this is all the more interesting what with The Maxx and James Bon Jovi challenging the Lovers to another match. If the Lovers win tonight, it will had a whole new dimension to the feud.
Tom: Of course, we could also see The Maxx and Bon Jovi out here to screw over the Lovers.
Jeannie: Either way, those two hunks better make an appearance!
*The Highland Diamonds’ music plays.* www.youtube.com/watch?v=cW244wA7kPk
Finkel: And their opponents, coming the down the aisle, at a combined weight of 476 pounds, from Aberdeen, Scotland, and possibly the Jewel Mines of Peru respectively—Angus MacAngus, The Emerald Warrior, THE HIGHLAND DIAMONDS.
*The Diamonds come out to the boos of the crowd. Angus has on his Scottish flag trunks (main body is blue, with the white Cross of St. Andrew going across the entire front and the entire back), black elbow pads, white wrist/hand tape, black kneepads, and black boots. The Warrior is wearing a full-body green bodysuit with metallic green areas, mask with a Hayabusa-style faceplate with a gold diamond logo on it, gold stylized trim on the leggings and sleeves, and green boots. They both have the W*I*G World Tag Team Title belts around their waists. They walk to the ring with Angus ignoring the fans Warrior taunting and pestering anyone within reach as usual. Eventually, they make it to the ring and enter it. They soon take off their belts hand them to the referee. He holds the belts up for everyone to see and then hands them to the timekeeper.*
Tom: And, here come the W*I*G World Tag Team Champions.
Jeannie: How come the Emerald Warrior isn’t billed from the Emerald City?
Tom: Because it doesn’t exist. It needs to exist for him to come from there.
Jeannie: Oh when has that stopped anyone from being billed from somewhere!? It’s not like Parts Unknown, WCW Special Forces, The Outer Reaches of Your Mind, and The Other Side Of The Tracks are real!
Tom: Those are real places.
Jeannie: Don’t screw with me!
Tom: I’m not! They’re all in New Mexico, around Truth Or Consequences.
Jeannie: Really?
Tom: I’ll show you a map later.
*The bell rings. Casimiro and The Warrior move onto the apron. Guillermo and Angus circle each other and then tie up. After a few seconds, Guillermo wins out with a knee to the stomach followed by an armbar. However, Angus is able to overpower Guillermo and push him into the ropes. He punches Guillermo a few times and then tries to whip him across the ring. However, Guillermo turns it around and whips Angus into the ropes. Angus bounces off of them and charges at Guillermo. Guillermo catches Angus for a back body drop, but Angus just rolls over him and lands on his feet. Guillermo stands up, and Angus grabs him from behind. Then, Angus pushes Guillermo into the ropes. Guillermo grabs the ropes, and Angus tries to roll Guillermo up for a pin; but Guillermo grabs the ropes and pushes Angus off. Angus hits the mat and rolls over onto his feet. Guillermo turns around, charges at Angus, and hits him with a running single knee facebreaker. Angus hits the mat. Guillermo rolls over and locks Angus into another armbar.*
Tom: Guillermo Miramontes gets the early advantage on Angus MacAngus.
Jeannie: He has Angus on the mat. You know, I would like it if Guillermo had me on the mat.
Tom: Yes, yes, yes. You’re a horny woman who wants to have sex with most of the male roster.
Jeannie: I’m starting to become a broken record, aren’t I?
Tom: Yep.
*Guillermo picks up Angus with him still in the armbar. However, Angus pushes him back into the ropes again. This time, he is able to successfully whip Guillermo across the ring. Angus charges at Guillermo as he bounces off the ropes. Guillermo goes for a spear, but Angus spots it in time and leapfrogs Guillermo. Guillermo hits the other ropes, bounces off of them, and charges at Angus as he hits the mat, runs to the opposite ropes, bounces off of them, and charges at Guillermo. However, this time, Guillermo is able to connect with the spear. Guillermo gets up onto his knees and locks Angus into another armbar.*
Tom: The spear misses the first time but connects the second time.
Jeannie: I’d like to get speared by Guillermo, if you know what I mean.
Tom: I thought you weren’t gonna be doing any more derogatory comments to male wrestlers.
Jeannie: No. I just agreed that I make such comments. I didn’t say I was gonna stop.
Tom: But…but…broken record.
Jeannie: I’m not a record. I’m a human being who can choose to say things over and over again.
Tom: But…oh, forget it!
*He pulls Angus over to the Lovers’ corner and tags in Casimiro. Casimiro climbs up to the top turnbuckle, jumps off, and drops a forearm shot onto Angus’s arm. Angus falls to his knees. Guillermo exits onto the apron. Casimiro grabs Angus’s arm, locks him into a hammerlock, picks up Angus, and bodyslams him onto his arm. Angus pops up holding his arm. Suddenly, Casimiro drops down and locks Angus into a chinlock with his right arm. Then, with his left arm, he locks Angus into a hammerlock. Casimiro has the moves locked on for a minute or two. Suddenly, Angus uses his free arm and pushes up on Casimiro’s chin. Then, Angus puts his feet onto the mat and pushes up, lifting himself and Casimiro off the mat. Suddenly, Angus starts walking around the ring in a circle, dragging Casimiro with him. Angus quickly picks up speed. Soon, he’s running at full speed with Casimiro. Then, he suddenly ducks and Casimiro goes flying through the second and top ropes to the outside. The crowd applauds Angus’s escape as Casimiro gets up, shaking his head, and Angus tags out to the Emerald Warrior.*
Tom: Angus MacAngus escapes a double dose of submission holds from Casimiro Melendez and tags out to the Emerald Warrior.
Jeannie: Smart move by Angus. He got out so that he could get a break for his arm and not allow the Lovers to work it over.
*The Emerald Warrior enters the ring, Angus moves onto the apron, and Casimiro reenters the ring. Casimiro and the Warrior circle each other. Then, the Warrior holds his hands up for a test of strength. Casimiro obliges by taking the Warrior’s hands. Then, the two start to overpower each other. After a minute or two, Casimiro begins to win out, pushing the Warrior down to the mat. The Warrior does a Matrix-like bend to keep his shoulders off the mat. Casimiro keeps pushing down, but the Warrior won’t go down. Suddenly, Casimiro jumps up and drops his legs onto the Warrior’s legs, trying to send him to the mat. The Warrior still won’t budge. So, Casimiro slides off and does it again, but the Warrior still won’t go down. Casimiro slides off and goes for a third try, but the Warrior surprises him by putting his legs together; Casimiro lands right on them crotch first. A look of pain and anguish slides over Casimiro’s face. The Warrior then pushes Casimiro off with his legs. Casimiro flies back into the ropes. The Warrior kips up. Casimiro bounces off the ropes and charges back to the Warrior. The Warrior catches him with a hip toss. Casimiro lands on the mat, but he quickly sits up and turns around. The Warrior goes for a roundhouse kick, but Casimiro ducks it. Then, he stands up, picking up the Warrior onto his shoulders. However, the Warrior rolls over into a victory roll. The ref drops down for the count.*
Ref: 1…2…*Casimiro rolls over into a pin of his own.*
Ref: 1…2…*The Warrior pushes Casimiro off of him.*
*Casimiro goes flying into the ropes. The Warrior kips up and charges at Casimiro. However, Casimiro gets up, turns around, charges at the Warrior, and hits him with a tilt-a-whirl headscissor takedown. They both get up and charge at each other. Casimiro hits the Warrior with another tilt-a-whirl headscissor takedown. They get up again and charge at each other, and Casimiro hits the Warrior with a third tilt-a-whirl headscissor takedown. They get up again and charge at each other again, but this time the Warrior stops Casimiro with a running superkick. Casimiro falls to the mat. The audience applauds the display of skills they’ve just seen.*
Tom: Emerald Gleam from the Emerald Warrior stops the steam Casimiro was building.
Jeannie: During that display of lucha skills, anyone could have come out on top. But, the Warrior relied on a tried and true kick to get the upperhand.
*The Warrior picks up Casimiro and throws him into a neutral corner. Then, he charges at Casimiro, jumps onto his torso, and throws him out of the corner with a monkey flip. Then, the Warrior kips up, jumps up onto the top turnbuckle, and jumps off with a moonsault. However, Casimiro has enough wherewithal to roll out of the way. The Warrior lands on the mat and jumps up onto his knees holding his chest. Casimiro gets up and charges at the Warrior. However, the Warrior is able to thrust his head into Casimiro’s stomach. Casimiro doubles over, and the Warrior hits him with a few punches as he gets up. He kicks Casimiro in the stomach a few times and then hits Casimiro with a spinning Cravate facebuster.*
Tom: Sweet Hannah Montana in Savannah! Emerald Cutter from the Emerald Warrior!
Jeannie: Why do you keep referencing Hannah Montana?
Tom: My daughter loves her.
Jeannie: You have a daughter!? You’re married!? A WOMAN ACTUALLY HAD SEX WITH YOU!?
Tom: It’s not THAT shocking.
*The Warrior goes for a pin.*
Ref: 1…2…*Suddenly, Guillermo rushes into the ring and breaks up the pin.*
*Guillermo picks up the Warrior and starts wailing on him with punches, obviously frustrated with how the match is going. Suddenly, Angus rushes into the ring with a vicious lariat that knocks Guillermo back into the ropes, landing onto the second and bottom ropes. Angus rushes over to Guillermo, kicks him a few times, and picks him up. Then, he tries to whip Angus across the ring, but Guillermo holds onto the top rope. Angus keeps pulling, but Guillermo keeps holding on. The Warrior and Casimiro get up and see the tug-o-war between their partners. The Warrior goes to help Angus, but Casimiro grabs him. The Warrior tries to punch Casimiro. However, Casimiro ducks. The Warrior swings around from the momentum. Casimiro sits up, knees the Warrior in the stomach from behind, grabs the Warrior after he bends over, picks him up, and drops him to the mat with a pumphandle sitout scoop slam piledriver.*
Tom: The Handsomest Drowned Man In The World!
Jeannie: That’s kind of a weird compliment to give to a man wearing a mask.
Tom: No! That’s the name of the move Casimiro just did.
Jeannie: Well, excuse me! I don’t know the name of every wrestling move in the world, Mike Tenay!
*Casimiro gets up and turns his attention to Guillermo and Angus, who are still in their tug-o-war. Casimiro charges at Angus and dropkicks the back of his head. This sends Angus flying into Guillermo, who gets a knee up; it hits Angus right in the gut. Then, Guillermo lets go of the rope and throws Angus over it. However, Angus is able to grab the rope and uses it to swing around onto the apron. He gets up but is met with a double superkick from the Latin Lovers that sends him crashing down face first onto the announcer’s table. The referee exits the ring to check on Angus, who hit the table hard.*
Tom: ¡Aye Caramba! Angus MacAngus lands right in our laps!
Jeannie: Oh my! He could use mouth to mouth!
Tom: Sit down!
Jeannie: Dammit! This is the closest I could get to frenching this guy, and you aren’t going to stop me!
Tom: Sit down! And, stop slapping me!
*The Lovers are now alone with the Warrior. Casimiro walks over to the Warrior, grabs his legs, and lifts him off the mat with a wheelbarrow suplex. Guillermo grabs the Warrior as he swings around and hits him with a neckbreaker.*
Tom: Fool For Love to the Emerald Warrior!
Jeannie: The Warrior’s in trouble! He needs Angus’s help! And, he can’t help the Warrior if I don’t give him mouth to mouth!
Tom: You have a job to do: unbiased observer!
Jeannie: I’m being unbiased!
Tom: But, interfering in the match is not what an observer does!
Jeannie: Stop lecturing me, Webster!
Tom: Well, the ref is out here to help him!
Jeannie: He’s an idiot! Besides, Angus needs a woman’s touch!
Tom: Sit down! And, STOP SLAPPING ME!
*The Lovers picks the Warrior and hit him with a double suplex. They get up again, and Guillermo moves onto the apron and climbs up while Casimiro picks up the Warrior, going for Lovesick (spiked brainbuster). However, the Warrior surprises Casimiro by shoving him into the corner. They hits Guillermo, who falls and crotches on the top turnbuckle. The Warrior whips Casimiro across the ring into the opposite corner. Then, he kicks Guillermo in the chest, sending him to the floor. Suddenly, Casimiro comes running out the turnbuckle and charges at the Warrior with a running big boot. But, the Warrior ducks and stands up, picking up Casimiro onto his shoulders. Meanwhile, on the outside, Angus stands up. He’s okay, except for a small trickle of blood coming from his forehead. He at the ring and sees Casimiro on the Warrior’s shoulder. Angus immediately jumps onto the apron, climbs up to the top turnbuckle of a neutral corner, and jumps off, hitting Casimiro with the Doomsday Device.*
Tom: Doomsday Device to Casimiro Melendez!
Jeannie: Dammit!
Tom: Why are you angry!? Angus is fine!
Jeannie: I hate you!
*Warrior goes for the cover after the Doomsday Device
1…..
2…..
Kick out by Melendez!
Warrior sighs in frustration and picks Casimiro back up, hitting him with a knee to the gut to keep control. He hits a vertical suplex and then kicks Casimiro in the back. Warrior makes a signal for an aerial move and climbs the corner, before leaping for a big leg drop, but Casimiro dodges! Warrior gets up holding his posterior and Casimiro starts connecting with some punches, until Warrior blocks. The Emerald Warrior fires back with a couple of punches and forearms of his own, then goes for an Irish whip, but Casimiro reverses. Warrior rebounds and goes for a tiltawhirl headscissors, but Casimiro spins him round in mid-air and attempts to turn it into a 1000 Years of Solitude, only for Warrior to block! Warrior grabs Casimiro by the legs and lets him hit the mat, then goes for a catapult, launching Melendez towards the corner, but he is able to get his hands out and stop himself hitting the turnbuckle. Warrior gets up and tries to follow it up but a back elbow floors him. Casimiro climbs the corner, perhaps going for the News of a Kidnapping, but Warrior springs to his feet and darts up the buckles, grabbing Melendez and connecting with a superplex! Warrior rolls over to his corner and tags in Angus, who enters quick to try and capitalize.*
Tom: Series of excellent wrestling moves there by both men, but Warrior did the damage with that superplex!
Jeannie: I just hope that that superplex didn’t damage Casimiro’s back too much, we can’t have a man like him getting injured!
Tom: I’d have thought you’d want him injured so you have an excuse to tend to him, like you tried with Angus?
Jeannie: That’s actually not a bad idea! Injured or not, it’s win-win!
Tom: Oh dear....
*Angus stomps Casimiro then hits a quick elbow drop before locking in a chinlock. He keeps hold as Casimiro turns onto his stomach to try to break it, but this prompts Angus to go for the Scottish Triathalon, however the brief release of his grip allows Casimiro to roll out and away. He tries to get to his corner but Angus pulls out his leg and applies a stepover toehold, only rains punches on the back of Casimiro’s head instead of applying an STF. He picks Casimiro up and hits a bridging Northern Lights Suplex!
1…..
2….
Kick out! But Angus uses the motion to roll backwards and grab Casimiro’s legs! Melendez has this trademark combo scouted however, and as Angus tries to turn him over for the Flower of Scotland Casimiro reaches up and pulls Angus down into a modified inside cradle!
1…..
2…..
Kick out!*
Tom: Excellent counter, Casimiro almost won it with his small package right there!
Jeannie: What!? I HIGHLY doubt Casimiro has a small package.
Tom: Get your mind out of the gutter and back on this match!
Jeannie: Hey uh, um, it wasn’t in the gutter! That was more of a rollup, not a small package, so Casimiro doesn’t have a small package….right?
Tom: Of course that’s what you meant.
*Casimiro gets up and again looks to set off for the corner, but Angus spins him round and connects with 1, 2, 3, 4 boxing hooks to the body followed by 1, 2, 3 more to the face! Casimiro staggers backwards into the ropes clutching his face and warding Angus off. Angus bats Casimiro’s arms out of the way and kicks him in the stomach, before whipping him off to the ropes. Angus goes for a lariat but Casimiro ducks behind and attempts a German suplex. Standing switch by Angus but his suplex is also resisted. Casimiro spins round and takes Angus down with a drop toehold, but Angus is quick to react and grapevines Casimiro’s leg, preventing him from going for a tag. Angus pounces on Casimiro, holding him to the mat, and steams in some rough strikes that Casimiro tries to cover up from. Angus drags Casimiro to his feet by his hair and plants a kick to his stomach, followed with a measured uppercut. Angus then goes for the Sweet Bagpipe Music, but Casimiro sidesteps and grabs him, looking for a Love in the Time of Cholera. He lifts, but Angus slips out behind and connects with a Russian Leg Sweep. Tag to the Emerald Warrior. Angus holds Casimiro in a sitting position as Warrior springboards to the top rope, then jumps to the buckle facing in a moonsault position, before jumping and spinning again only to….land in the ring on his feet, before arrogantly booting Casimiro lat to the mat with 1 foot. The crowd boos the fake out, as Angus grabs Warrior and, in another double team, vertical-suplexes his own partner onto Casimiro’s stomach! Angus exits the ring, his face now covered in blood from the impact upon the table earlier, as the Emerald Warrior makes a cover
1…..
2….
Casimiro kicks out even as Guillermo was on the verge of entering the ring.*
Tom: The Diamonds doing what they do best- picking off and isolating 1 man. The Latin Lovers need to make a tag ASAP.
Jeannie: I just don’t want these boys to get roughed up anymore! Come on Casimiro, make the tag and sort out that green pansy!
Tom: You’re supposed to be an impartial observer!
Jeannie: I am impartial, when everyone in the ring is hot.
Tom: Walking cliché strikes again!
*Warrior slaps Casimiro, then picks him up. He holds him against the ropes, and hits a knife edge chop that resounds around the arena! He follows it with another, before going for an Irish whip, only to put the brakes on and hit a high-elevation dropkick! Casimiro drops down, and gets up dizzy as Warrior goes for a springboard crossbody only to be caught! In Evil Hour on the Emerald Warrior!! Casimiro removes the panties from his tights, takes a whiff, and springs up, jumping to his corner and making the tag! Guillermo is in, and climbs the corner, leaping and hitting a flying back elbow smash on the Warrior! Warrior lands hard and the impact bounces him onto his knees, where Guillermo picks him up and performs an overhead belly to belly suplex! Warrior though is tossed towards his own corner, and tags Angus in, desperate for a breather. Angus enters quickly and blocks Guillermo’s punch, connecting with one of his own, and another! He goes for a vertical suplex, but Guillermo slips out behind and attempts an A Vous Les Femmes, only for Angus to spin free and connect with a vertical suplex, but even as he rolls over for a Flower of Scotland Miramontes kicks him off and Angus staggers into the ropes. Guillermo kips up, but straight into a punch! He staggers but dodges the lariat and hits a clothesline of his own! Angus gets up groggy and is levelled with another, and this time as he starts to rise, is cut off with a Shining Wizard! Warrior re-enters and attacks Guillermo from behind with a forearm to the back of the head, but he is also cut off by the revived Casimiro, who dashes in and spears him! Warrior is turned inside out, and both Latin Lovers pick up the gangly green grappler, get into position, and hit the Valentine’s Day on Emerald Warrior! The illegal man rolls and slumps under his team’s corner, as the Lovers turn their attentions back to Angus.*
Tom: Casimiro made the tag and the Lovers are whipping up a storm here!!
Jeannie: This must be their fiery, passionate Latin side coming to play! Oh the benefits I could enjoy from that!
Tom: Forget your daydreams and focus on the match, the tide has completely shifted here in the challengers’ favour.
*The Lovers circle Angus, before setting and connecting with an ode To Aphrodite, practically turning the Scotsman inside-out! Guillermo makes the cover
1……
2…..
Angus kicks out!
The Latin lovers are in shock, and Guillermo points to the turnbuckle. As he does so the Emerald Warrior claws at his legs, prompting Guillermo to quickly dispatch him with a low dropkick to the face! Warrior rolls away and reaches for the ref, making an X sign with his hands. Guillermo grabs Angus in a powerbomb position, as Casimiro poises himself on the top turnbuckle. They prepare for The Ways of Love, and Guillermo hoists, only for Warrior’s true motives for beckoning the referee to suddenly become apparent as Casimiro suddenly find himself flying off the turnbuckle and landing crotch first on the top rope! The camera swings round, and who is stood where Casimiro was but The Maxx! James Bon Jovi isn’t far away either, as he reaches in and sweeps out Guillermo’s legs, causing Angus to land on him from the powerbomb position! Maxx and Bon Jovi quickly haul Casimiro off the top rope to ringside, and both lie flat on the ground out of sight from inside the ring. Angus staggers up, as Warrior rises and charges over, and they connect with a combination Bagpipe Music-Emerald Gleam on the perplexed Miramontes! Angus falls on top and makes the cover.
1…..
2…..
3!!!!
DING DING DING!!!
Finkel: Here are your winners, and…..STILL….W*I*G Tag Team Champions, the Highland Diamonds!
Tom: What? No no no! The Maxx and Bon Jovi just robbed the Latin Lovers of a potential tag team title victory!
Jeannie: I was waiting for these 2 studs to show up, but didn’t expect it in this fashion!
Tom: Angus was primed for the Latin Lovers’ trademark Ways of Love, with Warrior down on the far side of the ring, and The Maxx sent Casimiro off the top rope! The Lovers will be furious with this one!
*No sooner can the Diamonds music cue up before it dies out, as The Maxx and James Bon Jovi roll Casimiro back into the ring, before they themselves enter the ring and start beating down the Latin Lovers. Angus and the Warrior initially look on and regather their wits, before joining in laying the boots to the challengers. The Highland Diamonds grab Casimiro and set him up for a Moorlands Driver, while The Maxx and JBJ ready Guillermo for New Jersey Turnpike, and both teams then connect with their double team manoeuvres! Angus and the Warrior back off to gather their belts as The Maxx and Bon Jovi continue the attack on their rivals, until suddenly 2 more figures come flying through the air as Team Raftshack, apparently having entered though the crowd, connect with stereo springboard dropkicks to the backs of the Highland Diamonds, sending them into The Maxx and Bon Jovi! The Diamonds turn round, and Raftshack charge and both hit spear-esque headbutts to the Diamonds’ stomachs, bending them over. Faboon and Zeleke then both spring off the backs of the doubled-over-Diamonds and hit The Maxx and Bon Jovi with step-up knee strikes, slumping them into the ropes. Raftshack then grab Angus and the Warrior, turn, and whip them as hard as they can into The Maxx and Bon Jovi, sending both teams tumbling over the ropes to the floor in a tangled heap! Raftshack buzz around the ring, before faking suicide dives and appealing to the crowd. The Latin Lovers try to recover in the ring as both the Highland Diamonds and The Maxx & JBJ regroup and back off up the ramp.*
Tom: Things have completely broken down here! Team Raftshack just scored a vital blow on their own rivals and PPV opponents the Highland Diamonds, and in the process may have rescued the Latin Lovers from a serious beating!
Jeannie: I don’t normally like to see these 2 goofballs but they just stopped the Latin Lovers’ ravishingly good looks from being marred, so for now they’re fine by me!
Tom: Never did I think I’d hear those words! A tag team title match that turned into a 4-team destruction derby, what’s coming up next?
*Apache cues up over the PA as Team Raftshack pander to the crowd, and the feed goes to a commercial.*
*The Latin Lovers’ music plays.* www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2M9YHATH2Q
Finkel: Introducing first, the challengers, coming down the aisle, at a combined weight of 522 pounds, from Wherever There Is Lover—Guillermo Miramontes, Casimiro Melendez, THE LATIN LOVERS.
*The Latin Lovers come out to a nice pop from the ladies. The men are somewhat quiet, with a few cheers. Guillermo has on red wrestling trunks with “Te quiero” in blue on the butt, red elbow and knee pads with a blue heart on them, and blue boots with “GM” in red on them. Casimiro has on red tights with “Catalina” in blue on the butt, red elbow and knee pads with blue hearts on them, and blue boots with “CM” in red on them. As they walk to the ring, a pair of panties comes flying towards them and hits Casimiro in the face. He grabs them and stuffs them in his tights. They enter the ring, and each one climbs onto the corners facing the Colvintron. They both blow a kiss to the crowd, and then some pyro goes off, creating a heart design.*
Jeannie Lawless: Latin romantics fighting strong, ruggish, manly Scotts! Christmas has come early for this announcer!
Tom Bailey: As Jeannie has pointed out, we are set to see the Highland Diamonds defend their W*I*G World Tag Team Titles against the Latin Lovers.
Jeannie: You know, this is all the more interesting what with The Maxx and James Bon Jovi challenging the Lovers to another match. If the Lovers win tonight, it will had a whole new dimension to the feud.
Tom: Of course, we could also see The Maxx and Bon Jovi out here to screw over the Lovers.
Jeannie: Either way, those two hunks better make an appearance!
*The Highland Diamonds’ music plays.* www.youtube.com/watch?v=cW244wA7kPk
Finkel: And their opponents, coming the down the aisle, at a combined weight of 476 pounds, from Aberdeen, Scotland, and possibly the Jewel Mines of Peru respectively—Angus MacAngus, The Emerald Warrior, THE HIGHLAND DIAMONDS.
*The Diamonds come out to the boos of the crowd. Angus has on his Scottish flag trunks (main body is blue, with the white Cross of St. Andrew going across the entire front and the entire back), black elbow pads, white wrist/hand tape, black kneepads, and black boots. The Warrior is wearing a full-body green bodysuit with metallic green areas, mask with a Hayabusa-style faceplate with a gold diamond logo on it, gold stylized trim on the leggings and sleeves, and green boots. They both have the W*I*G World Tag Team Title belts around their waists. They walk to the ring with Angus ignoring the fans Warrior taunting and pestering anyone within reach as usual. Eventually, they make it to the ring and enter it. They soon take off their belts hand them to the referee. He holds the belts up for everyone to see and then hands them to the timekeeper.*
Tom: And, here come the W*I*G World Tag Team Champions.
Jeannie: How come the Emerald Warrior isn’t billed from the Emerald City?
Tom: Because it doesn’t exist. It needs to exist for him to come from there.
Jeannie: Oh when has that stopped anyone from being billed from somewhere!? It’s not like Parts Unknown, WCW Special Forces, The Outer Reaches of Your Mind, and The Other Side Of The Tracks are real!
Tom: Those are real places.
Jeannie: Don’t screw with me!
Tom: I’m not! They’re all in New Mexico, around Truth Or Consequences.
Jeannie: Really?
Tom: I’ll show you a map later.
*The bell rings. Casimiro and The Warrior move onto the apron. Guillermo and Angus circle each other and then tie up. After a few seconds, Guillermo wins out with a knee to the stomach followed by an armbar. However, Angus is able to overpower Guillermo and push him into the ropes. He punches Guillermo a few times and then tries to whip him across the ring. However, Guillermo turns it around and whips Angus into the ropes. Angus bounces off of them and charges at Guillermo. Guillermo catches Angus for a back body drop, but Angus just rolls over him and lands on his feet. Guillermo stands up, and Angus grabs him from behind. Then, Angus pushes Guillermo into the ropes. Guillermo grabs the ropes, and Angus tries to roll Guillermo up for a pin; but Guillermo grabs the ropes and pushes Angus off. Angus hits the mat and rolls over onto his feet. Guillermo turns around, charges at Angus, and hits him with a running single knee facebreaker. Angus hits the mat. Guillermo rolls over and locks Angus into another armbar.*
Tom: Guillermo Miramontes gets the early advantage on Angus MacAngus.
Jeannie: He has Angus on the mat. You know, I would like it if Guillermo had me on the mat.
Tom: Yes, yes, yes. You’re a horny woman who wants to have sex with most of the male roster.
Jeannie: I’m starting to become a broken record, aren’t I?
Tom: Yep.
*Guillermo picks up Angus with him still in the armbar. However, Angus pushes him back into the ropes again. This time, he is able to successfully whip Guillermo across the ring. Angus charges at Guillermo as he bounces off the ropes. Guillermo goes for a spear, but Angus spots it in time and leapfrogs Guillermo. Guillermo hits the other ropes, bounces off of them, and charges at Angus as he hits the mat, runs to the opposite ropes, bounces off of them, and charges at Guillermo. However, this time, Guillermo is able to connect with the spear. Guillermo gets up onto his knees and locks Angus into another armbar.*
Tom: The spear misses the first time but connects the second time.
Jeannie: I’d like to get speared by Guillermo, if you know what I mean.
Tom: I thought you weren’t gonna be doing any more derogatory comments to male wrestlers.
Jeannie: No. I just agreed that I make such comments. I didn’t say I was gonna stop.
Tom: But…but…broken record.
Jeannie: I’m not a record. I’m a human being who can choose to say things over and over again.
Tom: But…oh, forget it!
*He pulls Angus over to the Lovers’ corner and tags in Casimiro. Casimiro climbs up to the top turnbuckle, jumps off, and drops a forearm shot onto Angus’s arm. Angus falls to his knees. Guillermo exits onto the apron. Casimiro grabs Angus’s arm, locks him into a hammerlock, picks up Angus, and bodyslams him onto his arm. Angus pops up holding his arm. Suddenly, Casimiro drops down and locks Angus into a chinlock with his right arm. Then, with his left arm, he locks Angus into a hammerlock. Casimiro has the moves locked on for a minute or two. Suddenly, Angus uses his free arm and pushes up on Casimiro’s chin. Then, Angus puts his feet onto the mat and pushes up, lifting himself and Casimiro off the mat. Suddenly, Angus starts walking around the ring in a circle, dragging Casimiro with him. Angus quickly picks up speed. Soon, he’s running at full speed with Casimiro. Then, he suddenly ducks and Casimiro goes flying through the second and top ropes to the outside. The crowd applauds Angus’s escape as Casimiro gets up, shaking his head, and Angus tags out to the Emerald Warrior.*
Tom: Angus MacAngus escapes a double dose of submission holds from Casimiro Melendez and tags out to the Emerald Warrior.
Jeannie: Smart move by Angus. He got out so that he could get a break for his arm and not allow the Lovers to work it over.
*The Emerald Warrior enters the ring, Angus moves onto the apron, and Casimiro reenters the ring. Casimiro and the Warrior circle each other. Then, the Warrior holds his hands up for a test of strength. Casimiro obliges by taking the Warrior’s hands. Then, the two start to overpower each other. After a minute or two, Casimiro begins to win out, pushing the Warrior down to the mat. The Warrior does a Matrix-like bend to keep his shoulders off the mat. Casimiro keeps pushing down, but the Warrior won’t go down. Suddenly, Casimiro jumps up and drops his legs onto the Warrior’s legs, trying to send him to the mat. The Warrior still won’t budge. So, Casimiro slides off and does it again, but the Warrior still won’t go down. Casimiro slides off and goes for a third try, but the Warrior surprises him by putting his legs together; Casimiro lands right on them crotch first. A look of pain and anguish slides over Casimiro’s face. The Warrior then pushes Casimiro off with his legs. Casimiro flies back into the ropes. The Warrior kips up. Casimiro bounces off the ropes and charges back to the Warrior. The Warrior catches him with a hip toss. Casimiro lands on the mat, but he quickly sits up and turns around. The Warrior goes for a roundhouse kick, but Casimiro ducks it. Then, he stands up, picking up the Warrior onto his shoulders. However, the Warrior rolls over into a victory roll. The ref drops down for the count.*
Ref: 1…2…*Casimiro rolls over into a pin of his own.*
Ref: 1…2…*The Warrior pushes Casimiro off of him.*
*Casimiro goes flying into the ropes. The Warrior kips up and charges at Casimiro. However, Casimiro gets up, turns around, charges at the Warrior, and hits him with a tilt-a-whirl headscissor takedown. They both get up and charge at each other. Casimiro hits the Warrior with another tilt-a-whirl headscissor takedown. They get up again and charge at each other, and Casimiro hits the Warrior with a third tilt-a-whirl headscissor takedown. They get up again and charge at each other again, but this time the Warrior stops Casimiro with a running superkick. Casimiro falls to the mat. The audience applauds the display of skills they’ve just seen.*
Tom: Emerald Gleam from the Emerald Warrior stops the steam Casimiro was building.
Jeannie: During that display of lucha skills, anyone could have come out on top. But, the Warrior relied on a tried and true kick to get the upperhand.
*The Warrior picks up Casimiro and throws him into a neutral corner. Then, he charges at Casimiro, jumps onto his torso, and throws him out of the corner with a monkey flip. Then, the Warrior kips up, jumps up onto the top turnbuckle, and jumps off with a moonsault. However, Casimiro has enough wherewithal to roll out of the way. The Warrior lands on the mat and jumps up onto his knees holding his chest. Casimiro gets up and charges at the Warrior. However, the Warrior is able to thrust his head into Casimiro’s stomach. Casimiro doubles over, and the Warrior hits him with a few punches as he gets up. He kicks Casimiro in the stomach a few times and then hits Casimiro with a spinning Cravate facebuster.*
Tom: Sweet Hannah Montana in Savannah! Emerald Cutter from the Emerald Warrior!
Jeannie: Why do you keep referencing Hannah Montana?
Tom: My daughter loves her.
Jeannie: You have a daughter!? You’re married!? A WOMAN ACTUALLY HAD SEX WITH YOU!?
Tom: It’s not THAT shocking.
*The Warrior goes for a pin.*
Ref: 1…2…*Suddenly, Guillermo rushes into the ring and breaks up the pin.*
*Guillermo picks up the Warrior and starts wailing on him with punches, obviously frustrated with how the match is going. Suddenly, Angus rushes into the ring with a vicious lariat that knocks Guillermo back into the ropes, landing onto the second and bottom ropes. Angus rushes over to Guillermo, kicks him a few times, and picks him up. Then, he tries to whip Angus across the ring, but Guillermo holds onto the top rope. Angus keeps pulling, but Guillermo keeps holding on. The Warrior and Casimiro get up and see the tug-o-war between their partners. The Warrior goes to help Angus, but Casimiro grabs him. The Warrior tries to punch Casimiro. However, Casimiro ducks. The Warrior swings around from the momentum. Casimiro sits up, knees the Warrior in the stomach from behind, grabs the Warrior after he bends over, picks him up, and drops him to the mat with a pumphandle sitout scoop slam piledriver.*
Tom: The Handsomest Drowned Man In The World!
Jeannie: That’s kind of a weird compliment to give to a man wearing a mask.
Tom: No! That’s the name of the move Casimiro just did.
Jeannie: Well, excuse me! I don’t know the name of every wrestling move in the world, Mike Tenay!
*Casimiro gets up and turns his attention to Guillermo and Angus, who are still in their tug-o-war. Casimiro charges at Angus and dropkicks the back of his head. This sends Angus flying into Guillermo, who gets a knee up; it hits Angus right in the gut. Then, Guillermo lets go of the rope and throws Angus over it. However, Angus is able to grab the rope and uses it to swing around onto the apron. He gets up but is met with a double superkick from the Latin Lovers that sends him crashing down face first onto the announcer’s table. The referee exits the ring to check on Angus, who hit the table hard.*
Tom: ¡Aye Caramba! Angus MacAngus lands right in our laps!
Jeannie: Oh my! He could use mouth to mouth!
Tom: Sit down!
Jeannie: Dammit! This is the closest I could get to frenching this guy, and you aren’t going to stop me!
Tom: Sit down! And, stop slapping me!
*The Lovers are now alone with the Warrior. Casimiro walks over to the Warrior, grabs his legs, and lifts him off the mat with a wheelbarrow suplex. Guillermo grabs the Warrior as he swings around and hits him with a neckbreaker.*
Tom: Fool For Love to the Emerald Warrior!
Jeannie: The Warrior’s in trouble! He needs Angus’s help! And, he can’t help the Warrior if I don’t give him mouth to mouth!
Tom: You have a job to do: unbiased observer!
Jeannie: I’m being unbiased!
Tom: But, interfering in the match is not what an observer does!
Jeannie: Stop lecturing me, Webster!
Tom: Well, the ref is out here to help him!
Jeannie: He’s an idiot! Besides, Angus needs a woman’s touch!
Tom: Sit down! And, STOP SLAPPING ME!
*The Lovers picks the Warrior and hit him with a double suplex. They get up again, and Guillermo moves onto the apron and climbs up while Casimiro picks up the Warrior, going for Lovesick (spiked brainbuster). However, the Warrior surprises Casimiro by shoving him into the corner. They hits Guillermo, who falls and crotches on the top turnbuckle. The Warrior whips Casimiro across the ring into the opposite corner. Then, he kicks Guillermo in the chest, sending him to the floor. Suddenly, Casimiro comes running out the turnbuckle and charges at the Warrior with a running big boot. But, the Warrior ducks and stands up, picking up Casimiro onto his shoulders. Meanwhile, on the outside, Angus stands up. He’s okay, except for a small trickle of blood coming from his forehead. He at the ring and sees Casimiro on the Warrior’s shoulder. Angus immediately jumps onto the apron, climbs up to the top turnbuckle of a neutral corner, and jumps off, hitting Casimiro with the Doomsday Device.*
Tom: Doomsday Device to Casimiro Melendez!
Jeannie: Dammit!
Tom: Why are you angry!? Angus is fine!
Jeannie: I hate you!
*Warrior goes for the cover after the Doomsday Device
1…..
2…..
Kick out by Melendez!
Warrior sighs in frustration and picks Casimiro back up, hitting him with a knee to the gut to keep control. He hits a vertical suplex and then kicks Casimiro in the back. Warrior makes a signal for an aerial move and climbs the corner, before leaping for a big leg drop, but Casimiro dodges! Warrior gets up holding his posterior and Casimiro starts connecting with some punches, until Warrior blocks. The Emerald Warrior fires back with a couple of punches and forearms of his own, then goes for an Irish whip, but Casimiro reverses. Warrior rebounds and goes for a tiltawhirl headscissors, but Casimiro spins him round in mid-air and attempts to turn it into a 1000 Years of Solitude, only for Warrior to block! Warrior grabs Casimiro by the legs and lets him hit the mat, then goes for a catapult, launching Melendez towards the corner, but he is able to get his hands out and stop himself hitting the turnbuckle. Warrior gets up and tries to follow it up but a back elbow floors him. Casimiro climbs the corner, perhaps going for the News of a Kidnapping, but Warrior springs to his feet and darts up the buckles, grabbing Melendez and connecting with a superplex! Warrior rolls over to his corner and tags in Angus, who enters quick to try and capitalize.*
Tom: Series of excellent wrestling moves there by both men, but Warrior did the damage with that superplex!
Jeannie: I just hope that that superplex didn’t damage Casimiro’s back too much, we can’t have a man like him getting injured!
Tom: I’d have thought you’d want him injured so you have an excuse to tend to him, like you tried with Angus?
Jeannie: That’s actually not a bad idea! Injured or not, it’s win-win!
Tom: Oh dear....
*Angus stomps Casimiro then hits a quick elbow drop before locking in a chinlock. He keeps hold as Casimiro turns onto his stomach to try to break it, but this prompts Angus to go for the Scottish Triathalon, however the brief release of his grip allows Casimiro to roll out and away. He tries to get to his corner but Angus pulls out his leg and applies a stepover toehold, only rains punches on the back of Casimiro’s head instead of applying an STF. He picks Casimiro up and hits a bridging Northern Lights Suplex!
1…..
2….
Kick out! But Angus uses the motion to roll backwards and grab Casimiro’s legs! Melendez has this trademark combo scouted however, and as Angus tries to turn him over for the Flower of Scotland Casimiro reaches up and pulls Angus down into a modified inside cradle!
1…..
2…..
Kick out!*
Tom: Excellent counter, Casimiro almost won it with his small package right there!
Jeannie: What!? I HIGHLY doubt Casimiro has a small package.
Tom: Get your mind out of the gutter and back on this match!
Jeannie: Hey uh, um, it wasn’t in the gutter! That was more of a rollup, not a small package, so Casimiro doesn’t have a small package….right?
Tom: Of course that’s what you meant.
*Casimiro gets up and again looks to set off for the corner, but Angus spins him round and connects with 1, 2, 3, 4 boxing hooks to the body followed by 1, 2, 3 more to the face! Casimiro staggers backwards into the ropes clutching his face and warding Angus off. Angus bats Casimiro’s arms out of the way and kicks him in the stomach, before whipping him off to the ropes. Angus goes for a lariat but Casimiro ducks behind and attempts a German suplex. Standing switch by Angus but his suplex is also resisted. Casimiro spins round and takes Angus down with a drop toehold, but Angus is quick to react and grapevines Casimiro’s leg, preventing him from going for a tag. Angus pounces on Casimiro, holding him to the mat, and steams in some rough strikes that Casimiro tries to cover up from. Angus drags Casimiro to his feet by his hair and plants a kick to his stomach, followed with a measured uppercut. Angus then goes for the Sweet Bagpipe Music, but Casimiro sidesteps and grabs him, looking for a Love in the Time of Cholera. He lifts, but Angus slips out behind and connects with a Russian Leg Sweep. Tag to the Emerald Warrior. Angus holds Casimiro in a sitting position as Warrior springboards to the top rope, then jumps to the buckle facing in a moonsault position, before jumping and spinning again only to….land in the ring on his feet, before arrogantly booting Casimiro lat to the mat with 1 foot. The crowd boos the fake out, as Angus grabs Warrior and, in another double team, vertical-suplexes his own partner onto Casimiro’s stomach! Angus exits the ring, his face now covered in blood from the impact upon the table earlier, as the Emerald Warrior makes a cover
1…..
2….
Casimiro kicks out even as Guillermo was on the verge of entering the ring.*
Tom: The Diamonds doing what they do best- picking off and isolating 1 man. The Latin Lovers need to make a tag ASAP.
Jeannie: I just don’t want these boys to get roughed up anymore! Come on Casimiro, make the tag and sort out that green pansy!
Tom: You’re supposed to be an impartial observer!
Jeannie: I am impartial, when everyone in the ring is hot.
Tom: Walking cliché strikes again!
*Warrior slaps Casimiro, then picks him up. He holds him against the ropes, and hits a knife edge chop that resounds around the arena! He follows it with another, before going for an Irish whip, only to put the brakes on and hit a high-elevation dropkick! Casimiro drops down, and gets up dizzy as Warrior goes for a springboard crossbody only to be caught! In Evil Hour on the Emerald Warrior!! Casimiro removes the panties from his tights, takes a whiff, and springs up, jumping to his corner and making the tag! Guillermo is in, and climbs the corner, leaping and hitting a flying back elbow smash on the Warrior! Warrior lands hard and the impact bounces him onto his knees, where Guillermo picks him up and performs an overhead belly to belly suplex! Warrior though is tossed towards his own corner, and tags Angus in, desperate for a breather. Angus enters quickly and blocks Guillermo’s punch, connecting with one of his own, and another! He goes for a vertical suplex, but Guillermo slips out behind and attempts an A Vous Les Femmes, only for Angus to spin free and connect with a vertical suplex, but even as he rolls over for a Flower of Scotland Miramontes kicks him off and Angus staggers into the ropes. Guillermo kips up, but straight into a punch! He staggers but dodges the lariat and hits a clothesline of his own! Angus gets up groggy and is levelled with another, and this time as he starts to rise, is cut off with a Shining Wizard! Warrior re-enters and attacks Guillermo from behind with a forearm to the back of the head, but he is also cut off by the revived Casimiro, who dashes in and spears him! Warrior is turned inside out, and both Latin Lovers pick up the gangly green grappler, get into position, and hit the Valentine’s Day on Emerald Warrior! The illegal man rolls and slumps under his team’s corner, as the Lovers turn their attentions back to Angus.*
Tom: Casimiro made the tag and the Lovers are whipping up a storm here!!
Jeannie: This must be their fiery, passionate Latin side coming to play! Oh the benefits I could enjoy from that!
Tom: Forget your daydreams and focus on the match, the tide has completely shifted here in the challengers’ favour.
*The Lovers circle Angus, before setting and connecting with an ode To Aphrodite, practically turning the Scotsman inside-out! Guillermo makes the cover
1……
2…..
Angus kicks out!
The Latin lovers are in shock, and Guillermo points to the turnbuckle. As he does so the Emerald Warrior claws at his legs, prompting Guillermo to quickly dispatch him with a low dropkick to the face! Warrior rolls away and reaches for the ref, making an X sign with his hands. Guillermo grabs Angus in a powerbomb position, as Casimiro poises himself on the top turnbuckle. They prepare for The Ways of Love, and Guillermo hoists, only for Warrior’s true motives for beckoning the referee to suddenly become apparent as Casimiro suddenly find himself flying off the turnbuckle and landing crotch first on the top rope! The camera swings round, and who is stood where Casimiro was but The Maxx! James Bon Jovi isn’t far away either, as he reaches in and sweeps out Guillermo’s legs, causing Angus to land on him from the powerbomb position! Maxx and Bon Jovi quickly haul Casimiro off the top rope to ringside, and both lie flat on the ground out of sight from inside the ring. Angus staggers up, as Warrior rises and charges over, and they connect with a combination Bagpipe Music-Emerald Gleam on the perplexed Miramontes! Angus falls on top and makes the cover.
1…..
2…..
3!!!!
DING DING DING!!!
Finkel: Here are your winners, and…..STILL….W*I*G Tag Team Champions, the Highland Diamonds!
Tom: What? No no no! The Maxx and Bon Jovi just robbed the Latin Lovers of a potential tag team title victory!
Jeannie: I was waiting for these 2 studs to show up, but didn’t expect it in this fashion!
Tom: Angus was primed for the Latin Lovers’ trademark Ways of Love, with Warrior down on the far side of the ring, and The Maxx sent Casimiro off the top rope! The Lovers will be furious with this one!
*No sooner can the Diamonds music cue up before it dies out, as The Maxx and James Bon Jovi roll Casimiro back into the ring, before they themselves enter the ring and start beating down the Latin Lovers. Angus and the Warrior initially look on and regather their wits, before joining in laying the boots to the challengers. The Highland Diamonds grab Casimiro and set him up for a Moorlands Driver, while The Maxx and JBJ ready Guillermo for New Jersey Turnpike, and both teams then connect with their double team manoeuvres! Angus and the Warrior back off to gather their belts as The Maxx and Bon Jovi continue the attack on their rivals, until suddenly 2 more figures come flying through the air as Team Raftshack, apparently having entered though the crowd, connect with stereo springboard dropkicks to the backs of the Highland Diamonds, sending them into The Maxx and Bon Jovi! The Diamonds turn round, and Raftshack charge and both hit spear-esque headbutts to the Diamonds’ stomachs, bending them over. Faboon and Zeleke then both spring off the backs of the doubled-over-Diamonds and hit The Maxx and Bon Jovi with step-up knee strikes, slumping them into the ropes. Raftshack then grab Angus and the Warrior, turn, and whip them as hard as they can into The Maxx and Bon Jovi, sending both teams tumbling over the ropes to the floor in a tangled heap! Raftshack buzz around the ring, before faking suicide dives and appealing to the crowd. The Latin Lovers try to recover in the ring as both the Highland Diamonds and The Maxx & JBJ regroup and back off up the ramp.*
Tom: Things have completely broken down here! Team Raftshack just scored a vital blow on their own rivals and PPV opponents the Highland Diamonds, and in the process may have rescued the Latin Lovers from a serious beating!
Jeannie: I don’t normally like to see these 2 goofballs but they just stopped the Latin Lovers’ ravishingly good looks from being marred, so for now they’re fine by me!
Tom: Never did I think I’d hear those words! A tag team title match that turned into a 4-team destruction derby, what’s coming up next?
*Apache cues up over the PA as Team Raftshack pander to the crowd, and the feed goes to a commercial.*