W*I*G: Hanukkah Hell

[Reynaldo Fernandéz]

Howard Finkel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the W*I*G Blazing Path Championship…

*TNT’s music plays.* www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCX8gDW4YS0

Finkel: Introducing first, the challenger, coming down the aisle, at 6 feet 5 inches, weighing at 252 pounds, from Superior, Arizona, being accompanied by Nicole Michaels—Toby Nicholas Tucker, TNT.

*TNT and Nicole come out to the boos of the crowd. TNT is wearing that black noseguard for his injured nose, black wrestling tights with “TNT” in white down the legs and a flame design on the legs, white wrist tape, and black cowboy boots with a fire design on them. He also has that horseshoe tied to a rope around his neck. Nicole has on a black shirt, blue jeans, and black shoes and is holding a towel. Pyro goes off as they walk to the ring, walk up the steps, and walk onto the apron. TNT enters the ring and walks over to a far corner. Nicole follows him on the apron. He takes off the horseshoe and hands it to her.*

Tom Bailey: Here’s a bonus match for all you fans out there. James “Magnum” Constance will defend his Blazing Path Championship against Toby Nicholas Tucker.

Jeannie Lawless: It’s like someone heard me make a wish and made it came true!

Tom: Knowing you, it didn’t exactly come true as TNT and Magnum are wrestling instead of doing something sexual with you.

Jeannie: Damn! Am I getting predictable?

*James “Magnum” Constance’s music plays.* www.youtube.com/watch?v=CR9WJToFsTs

Finkel: And, his opponent, coming down the aisle, at 6 feet 2 inches, weighting in at 245 pounds, from Honolulu Hawaii, by way of Detroit, Michigan—the W*I*G BLAZING PATH CHAMPION, JAMES “MAGNUM” CONSTANCE.

*James “Magnum” Constance comes out to a big pop. He is wearing sunglasses, a Detroit Tigers cap, a Hawaiian shirt, blue tropical floral design trunks, black knee pads, black boots, and the Blazing Path Title belt around his waist. He walks to the ring as some pyro goes off and enters it. Then, he takes off his cap, shirt, and sunglasses and hands them to the referee, who hands them to the timekeeper. Then, Magnum takes off the title belt and hands it to the ref. He holds it up for everyone to see.*

Tom: Well, this should be an interesting match as these two have a history together.

Jeannie: Yeah, a history that they share with L. Rey and Damien Blood, both of whom I suspect will play a part in this match.

Tom: You’ve got that right. Not only are L. Rey and Blood angry with TNT, but they also can’t be happy that TNT got a shot at the Blazing Path Title over them.

Jeannie: Expect this match to get out of hand.

*The ref hands the title to Howard Finkel, who then exits the ring with it. Then, the bell rings. Nicole gets down off the apron. TNT and Magnum circle each and appear to be about to tie up. However, Magnum looks directly at Nicole, blows her a kiss, winks at her, and says “Hey baby!” to her. Nicole looks shocked and blushes a little bit as the shock turns into flattery. TNT, on the other hand, isn’t flattered at all. He charges at Magnum with a clothesline. However, Magnum ducks it, whirls around TNT, grabs him from behind, and hits him with a German suplex, bridging it into a pin. The ref quickly drops down to count it.*

Ref: 1…2…*TNT rolls out of the pin and onto his knees.*

*TNT looks a little surprise. But, he quickly gets up and charges at Magnum as he gets up. However, Magnum surprises him with a dropkick. TNT goes flying back into the ropes and bounces off of them. Magnum gets up and catches TNT with a hip toss. Then, Magnum runs to the ropes and bounces off of them. TNT gets up, turns around, and is met with a high knee strike that sends TNT flying to the opposite ropes and falls onto the apron. Magnum then runs back to the ropes he came from, bounces off of them, charges at TNT, and knocks him off the apron with a shoulder block. The crowd cheers loudly as Magnum gloats. Nicole quickly runs over to check on TNT.*

Tom: Whoa! James “Magnum” Constance looking impressive at the beginning of this match.

Jeannie: He also showed some intelligence. He knew that kiss and wink to Nicole would piss TNT, and he used it to his advantage.

Tom: Good point. It’s Magnum’s wrestling skills and intelligence that have made him the Blazing Path Champion.

*The referee begins a 10 count.*

Ref: 1…*Nicole helps up TNT.*

2…*Nicole wipes down TNT’s brow with the towel.*

3…*Unfortunately, TNT and Nicole don’t see Magnum climbing up the turnbuckles.*

4…*Magnum jumps off. Nicole screams and runs away. TNT turns around. And, Magnum hits TNT with a double axe handle to the head. TNT falls to the floor. The crowd cheers as Magnum picks up TNT and throws him into the ring.*

*Magnum reenters the ring as TNT gets up. He charges at TNT and hits him with a lariat takedown. Magnum gets up and waits for TNT to get up. He does, and Magnum dropkicks him, sending TNT flying back into a corner. He gets up, runs around the ring to get some momentum, charges at TNT, and hits him with a running splash. Then, he quickly grabs TNT’s head and runs out of the corner, going for a bulldog. However, TNT stops Magnum and picks him up for a back suplex. However, Magnum slips out of it, grabs TNT, and hits him with another bridging German suplex for a pin.*

Ref: 1…2…*TNT kicks out.*

Tom: Magnum’s roll continues. If he keeps it up, then he’ll flatten TNT in no time.

Jeannie: Flatten TNT?

Tom: Yeah. Because he’s on a roll.

Jeannie: Oh! I’m an idiot.

Tom: Not gonna disagree with you there.

Jeannie: Hey!

*Both men get up. TNT tries to punch Magnum. However, Magnum ducks. TNT swings around. Magnum grabs him from behind, picks him up, and hits TNT with an atomic drop. TNT goes flying over the rope, but he manages to grab it and land on the apron. Magnum immediately runs to the opposite ropes, bounces off of them, and charges at TNT. However, TNT surprises Magnum by dropping down and pulling down the rope. Magnum goes flying to the outside, landing on the floor with a hard thud. The crowd boos TNT for this. The ref walks over for a count, but TNT gets up and distracts him, arguing about something. The ref is confused by what TNT is saying, but it is distracting him from seeing Nicole sneak up on Magnum as he gets up. Suddenly, she charges at him and tries to kick in the abdomen. However, Magnum catches her in his peripherals and quickly jumps up. He just stares at Nicole and shakes his head in finger. Nicole backs away, and Magnum starts to follow. Unknown to Magnum, TNT has abandoned his argument and turns around, hoping to attack Magnum from behind. TNT jumps off the apron. However, Magnum soon realizes what’s going on. He turns around, catches TNT, and then rams him back first into the apron. The crowd cheers at Magnum’s intelligence.*

Tom: Sweet Uri Geller! Magnum showing some possible ESP as he catches TNT before he could attack him from behind.

Jeannie: Hmmm…I wonder if Magnum can read minds. Let’s see.

Tom: What are you doing?

Jeannie: I’m sending Magnum my telephone number telepathically.

Tom: You mean to tell me that you haven’t given Magnum your phone number by now?

Jeannie: No! Oh wait…I think I have. Oh well.

*Magnum quickly throws TNT back into the ring. He then enters it himself and hits TNT in the back with an elbow drop. Magnum gets up and hits him with another elbow drop. Magnum gets up again and hits TNT with another elbow drop. Then, he gets on top of TNT’s back and locks him into a camel clutch. TNT yells out in pain. The ref drops down to see if TNT wants to give up. He yells out “No!” This goes on for several seconds. Suddenly, the crowd perks up, noticing someone on the ramp. They start booing when they soon realize who it is. The cameras turn to show whom they are looking at: Damien Blood. He’s in his street clothes: white shirt with a dragon on it, blue jeans, and black sneakers. As he walks down the ramp, Nicole notices him coming, runs over to the timekeeper’s area, grabs a chair, and immediately runs over to intercept him. She gets between Damien and the ring, slams the chair down onto the ramp, and holds it up, threatening to hit him with it. Damien holds his arms up. The referee and Magnum quickly turn their attention to Nicole and Damien. The referee moves onto the apron, and Magnum lets go of the camel clutch.*

Tom: Oh great! Here comes Damien Blood.

Jeannie: Oooh! He looks sexy.

Tom: But, he’s not suppose to be out here.

Jeannie: Why don’t you go tell him that?

Tom: I would, but Nicole Michaels is already doing that.

*The referee yells at Damien to leave. But, he keeps trying to get past Nicole and at TNT. Magnum yells at Damien to come on into the ring, obviously wanting to get a piece of Damien himself. Suddenly, the crowd starts cheering as L. Rey runs down and attacks Damien from behind. Soon, both men are punching each other. The ref runs over to break them up, and soon other referees and security officials are running down to help him. They all try to break L. Rey and Damien apart, but they are too angry at each other to be held back.*

Tom: It’s L. Rey! What the hell!?

Jeannie: Oh my God! Magnum, TNT, Damien, and L. Rey!!!! This is a good match!

Tom: L. Rey must be out here to help out his friend Magnum.

Jeannie: Or, he could have been coming for TNT and wants to take Damien out before hand.

Tom: Either way, this needs to stop.

Jeannie: Judging by the bang up performance of the W*I*G Security team on previous occasions, I have a feeling that it won’t anytime soon.

*As this goes on, TNT gets up. He sees that Magnum is distracted, and an evil grin comes over his face. He walks over to a far corner where his horseshoe necklace is and grabs it. Then, he sneaks up behind Magnum as backs away from the ropes and hits him in the back with the horseshoe. The crowd boos loudly as Magnum falls to his knees in pain. Then, TNT wraps the necklace around Magnum’s throat and chokes him with it. Magnum struggles around but can’t break free.*

Jeannie: Uh-oh!

Tom: What the hell!?

Jeannie: Magnum’s in trouble.

Tom: I don’t believe this! L. Rey and Damien Blood’s fight has created a huge distraction, allowing TNT to attack Magnum with his horseshoe!

Jeannie: He’s just showing some intelligence by taking advantage of the situation.

Tom: I know, but I don’t like it.

*The refs and security guards have finally pull L. Rey and Damien apart and take them backstage. Meanwhile, TNT keeps choking Magnum with his necklace. As the L. Rey/Damien fight is broken up, the ref and Nicole turn attention back to the match. Nicole turns around first and sees TNT choking Magnum. She quickly yells at TNT to stop. He looks up to see that his distraction is over, unwraps the necklace from Magnum’s throat, and throws it to Nicole, who puts in her back pocket. The referee finally turns around and makes his way back to the ring. TNT then runs to the ropes, bounces off of them, charges at Magnum, and hits him with a running big boot to the side of his head. Then, he quickly pins Magnum.*

Ref: 1…2…*Magnum kicks out.*

Tom: Magnum kicks out, but a lot of damage has been done.

Jeannie: If he keeps it up, we may have a new Blazing Path Champion.

*TNT gets up and quickly elbow drops Magnum’s back. He gets up and hits Magnum with another elbow drop. TNT gets up again and drops another elbow onto Magnum’s back. Then, he gets up, picks up Magnum, and whips him into a corner. Magnum bounces out of it, holding his back. TNT quickly grabs him and hits Magnum with an overhead belly to belly suplex. Magnum lands hard on the mat and jumps up in pain. TNT quickly gets up, turns around, and kicks Magnum in the back. Then, he picks Magnum up, places him into the ropes, and whips him across the ring. As Magnum hits the opposite ropes and bounces off of them, TNT catches him and hits Magnum with a backbreaker. TNT quickly picks Magnum up and hits him with a lifting side slam into a backbreaker. Magnum slips off onto the mat, writhing around in pain.*

Tom: Sweet Juicy Fruit! TNT with a vicious Combustible Element!

Jeannie: Thanks a lot! Now I have a craving for that gum.

Tom: Really? Just saying “Juicy Fruit” once gave you a huge craving for it?

Jeannie: I’m easy to suggestions.

Tom: That’s not the only thing you’re easy to.

Jeannie: Dammit! I walked right into that one!

*TNT stomps on Magnum’s back a few times. Then, he bends over, grabs Magnum, picks him up with a dead lift, and suddenly hits him with a bridging German suplex. TNT holds for the pin.*

Ref: 1…2…*Magnum rolls out of it and falls back into the ropes.*

*TNT quickly gets up. Magnum charges at him with a clothesline, but TNT ducks. Both men run to the ropes and bounces off of them. They charge at each other, but TNT ends up the winner as he hits Magnum with a bicycle kick. Magnum falls back into the ropes, and TNT charges at him, sending Magnum to the outside with a clothesline. Magnum lands on the floor. TNT walks over to a corner to take a breather. Nicole gets up onto the apron to wipe his brow with the towel. And, the ref starts a 10 count.*

Ref: 1…*Magnum remains on the arena floor.*

2…*Magnum still lays on the floor.*

3…*Magnum starts stirring around.*

4…*Magnum slowly gets up.*

5…*Magnum crawls over to the ring.*

6…*Magnum grabs the bottom and pulls himself up.*

7…*Suddenly, TNT moves onto the apron and kicks Magnum in the head, knocking him down to his knees.*

*The referee doesn’t take too kindly to this and gets into his face about. TNT reenters the ring and starts arguing with the ref. As this goes on, Nicole moves off the apron and sneaks up behind Magnum. She pulls out the horseshoe from her back pocket as Magnum pulls himself back up. Suddenly, Nicole pounces, hitting Magnum in the back several times with that horseshoe. However, the ref doesn’t see it as he’s arguing with TNT. After a few more punches, Nicole grabs Magnum and rams him back first into the steel guardrail. The crowd boos her mercilessly.*

Tom: Dammit! Why does this always happen?

Jeannie: What!?

Tom: Nicole Michaels is attacking Magnum’s back with that horseshoe while TNT has the referee distracted.

Jeannie: What are you talking about? I didn’t see anything.

Tom: What!? Are you blind!?

Jeannie: No! I’m just focusing on TNT. He looks so sexy when he’s arguing.

*TNT stops arguing with the ref and exits the ring. He walks over to Magnum, pulls him away from the guardrail, and rams him into it again. He just grins as the audience boos him. TNT then grabs Magnum and throws him into the ring. TNT reenter the ring, locks Magnum into a full nelson, and picks him up. Then, he hits Magnum with a dragon suplex, holding for a pin.*

Ref: 1…2…*Magnum kicks out.*

*TNT quickly gets up and kicks Magnum in the back. He picks up Magnum again and hits him with a tiger suplex, holding for another pin.*

Ref: 1…2…*Magnum kicks out.*

*TNT quickly gets up and knees Magnum in the face. Magnum falls to the mat, but TNT quickly picks back up. This time, he lifts Magnum up in a delayed vertical suplex. He hold Magnum up for almost 30 seconds and then drops him to the mat. He quickly covers Magnum.*

Ref: 1…2…*Magnum kicks out.*

*The crowd cheers on Magnum for his resiliency. TNT, however, is not amused by it. He slaps the mat in frustration. Then, he gets up, picks up Magnum, and whips him into a corner. Magnum hits the corners chest first and bounces out of it. TNT quickly charges at him and hits him in the back with an elbow strike. Magnum falls back into the corner. TNT then grabs Magnum from behind, lifts him up, and puts him onto the top turnbuckle. TNT climbs up to the second turnbuckle and tries to pick Magnum up. However, Magnum holds onto the ropes. So, TNT lets him go and starts pounding on Magnum’s back with several forearm shots. He tries to lift Magnum up again; this time he’s successful. Then, TNT climbs up to the top turnbuckle, lifts Magnum up, and drops him to the mat with a belly to back suplex. The crowd lets out a sympathetic groan and then boos TNT. He could care less about the crowd as he covers Magnum.*

Ref: 1…2…*Magnum kicks out. The crowd cheers. TNT screams in frustration.*

Tom: Amazing! Just amazing! Even though TNT unleashed a flurry of suplexes onto Magnum, he still managed to kick out of each pin attempt.

Jeannie: I hate to downplay what Magnum has been able to do, but does four suplexes really count as a “flurry”?

Tom: Well, what word would you have used to describe the numerous suplexes TNT did to Magnum?

Jeannie: Um…um…well…um…uh…well…you know what? “Flurry” works.

*TNT gets up and stomps furiously on Magnum’s back. Then, he drops a few knees onto Magnum’s back, followed by a few elbow drops. Then, TNT grabs Magnum’s arms and picks him up into a lifted double chicken wing. The referee walks over and asks Magnum if he wants to give up. Of course, Magnum says, “No.” Then, he struggles to get out of it, but TNT manages to hold on to him. However, Magnum keeps struggling to get out of the hold. He tries to trip TNT on a few occasions and nearly succeeds as TNT stumbles around trying to keep Magnum up and not fall down. After a few more of Magnum’s tries, TNT finally puts a stop to it: he headbutts Magnum in the back with his noseguard. Magnum screams out in pain, but that doesn’t stop TNT. He headbutts Magnum several more times. Eventually, the referee notices that something is up, walks around, and sees what TNT is doing. The ref slaps TNT on the shoulder, surprising him so much that he drops Magnum, who falls to the mat.*

Tom: What a shocker! More cheating from TNT as he headbutts Magnum in the back, with that noseguard making them harder than they would be.

Jeannie: That’s not cheating!

Tom: How is that not cheating!?

Jeannie: It’s a part of his ring gear.

Tom: What!? Just because he wears it, why I have no idea because that nose of his has to be healed by now, doesn’t mean TNT can use it in that way! And the ref agrees with me as he’s put a stop to it.

Jeannie: Oh, you and the ref are stupid.

*The ref then gets in TNT’s face for using his noseguard in an unsavory manner. However, TNT argues that he isn’t doing anything wrong because it’s his ring gear and he needs it. Suddenly, Magnum grabs TNT from behind and rolls him up into a school boy pin.*

Ref: 1…2…*TNT pushes out of it.*

*Both men get on their feet. Magnum charges at TNT, but he can’t go full speed because of his back. TNT takes advantage of this with a swift knee to his stomach. Then, he grabs Magnum, picks him up in a horizontal belly to back suplex hold, and then spins him around into a sitout facebuster. He then rolls Magnum over for a pin.*

Ref: 1…2…*Magnum gets a shoulder up.*

Tom: Chemical Explosion stops Magnum from regaining control of the match but doesn’t get the win for TNT.

Jeannie: I saw that Magnum couldn’t run at full speed. Targeting Magnum’s back is paying off for TNT.

Tom: I hate to admit, but you’re right. If TNT can stay on Magnum’s back, then we’ll have a new Blazing Path Champion.

*TNT gets up and picks up Magnum, locking him in a cravate. Then, he hits Magnum with a cravate suplex. He quickly covers him.*

Ref: 1…2…*Magnum gets a shoulder up.*

Tom: Natural Explosion from TNT, but it doesn’t keep Magnum down.

Jeannie: Damn! TNT has dealt out a lot of punishment to Magnum, but he still won’t stay down.

Tom: That just shows you how badly he wants to stay Blazing Path Champion.

Jeannie: Oh! Yeah. Um…that’s what I was getting at.

Tom: No, you weren’t. You were gonna say something to do with sex, weren’t you?

Jeannie: Yeah.

*TNT looks a little frustrated as he gets up. He kicks Magnum in the back as he rolls over onto the mat and then stomps on him a few times. Then, TNT picks up Magnum and quickly takes him back to the mat with a bridging leg hook belly to back suplex, holding for the pin.*

Ref: 1…2…*Magnum gets a shoulder up and rolls out of the hold.*

Tom: Again, Magnum gets his shoulder up. This time stopping TNT’s Astronomical Explosion from gaining him the win.

Jeannie: He just won’t stay. I love it when a man won’t stay down.

Tom: Hey! You finally made that sexual comment you were going to earlier.

Jeannie: Quiet you!

*TNT gets up onto his knees and slaps the mat in frustration. Then, he gets up onto his feet and waits for Magnum to get up. This takes a while as Magnum crawls over to the ropes. He then grabs the bottom and second ropes and pulls himself up. Then, he grabs the top rope and gets up onto his feet. Magnum turns around and is immediately met with a kick to the stomach from TNT. With Magnum bent over, TNT grabs him, picks him up with a straight jacket hold, and drops him into a sitout powerbomb, holding for the pin.*

Ref: 1…2…*Suddenly, Magnum slams both legs against TNT’s head, squashing it and causing TNT to let go of the hold.*

Tom: Explosion Bomb and Magnum has to be done for. No! Wait! He isn’t!

Jeannie: Damn! James Constance should change his nickname to “Houdini” with all these escapes.

*TNT rolls around on the mat holding his head. Then, he gets up and shakes his head. Magnum gets up as well and tries to surprise his opponent. However, Nicole yells a warning to TNT, and he quickly kicks Magnum in the stomach. Then, TNT grabs Magnum and picks him up for a suplex. Unfortunately for TNT, Magnum slips out of it and lands on his feet behind him. Suddenly, Magnum grabs TNT from behind and hits him with a jumping neckbreaker slam. The crowd cheers loudly, sensing a Magnum comeback is imminent.*

Tom: Holy Higgins! Tigers Fan out of nowhere!

Jeannie: Nice counter from Magnum! This could be the beginning of a comeback.

*TNT sits up, holding his head. Magnum slowly crawls over to the ropes and uses them to pull himself up. TNT also gets up and quickly charges at Magnum, hitting him with a forearm shot. He turns Magnum around and hits him with a few European uppercuts. Then, he whips Magnum across the ring. As Magnum bounces off the opposite ropes and runs toward TNT, TNT walks over, trying to set him up for Nitro Uppercut (Flapjack lift dropped into a modified European uppercut). But, TNT fails as Magnum surprises him with a lariat takedown. The crowd cheers. Magnum just gets up, holding his back. TNT jumps up, surprised as hell. He quickly recovers, runs to Magnum, and hits him with a few stomps. However, Magnum fights back with some punches. TNT keeps stomping on Magnum, but they seemingly have no affect as Magnum just gets up and keeps punching on TNT. Amazingly, Magnum punches TNT back into the ropes. Then, he whips TNT across the ring. As TNT bounces off the ropes, Magnum charges at him with a clothesline. However, TNT ducks, runs to the ropes he came off of, bounces off of them, and charges at him as Magnum turns around. Unfortunately for TNT, Magnum catches him and hits him with a vicious Double-A spinebuster. The crowd cheers loudly. TNT remains laid out on the mat. And, Magnum also rolls over onto the mat, taking a breather.*

Tom: Great Shatner’s Ghost! What a Double-A spinebuster?

Jeannie: Shatner’s Ghost? Captain Kirk ain’t dead.

Tom: It’s just an expression.

Jeannie: Well, it’s a horrible one.

Tom: Well, excuse me! I’m way into this match to care about the quality of the exclamations I shout out.

*With both men down on the mat, the ref begins a 10 count.*

Ref: 1…*Both men are still down.*

2…*TNT starts stirring around.*

3…*TNT sits up a little. Magnum starts stirring around.*

4…*TNT rolls around onto his hands and knees. Magnum starts crawling over to the ropes.*

5…*TNT gets up onto his hands and knees. Magnum keeps crawling to the ropes.*

6…*TNT gets up onto his feet. Magnum starts to pull himself up with the ropes.*

*TNT walks over to Magnum and pulls him up. He turns Magnum around, hits him with a few European uppercuts. Then, TNT whips Magnum across the ring. As he bounces off the opposite ropes and runs back, TNT charges at Magnum. However, Magnum surprises TNT again, this time with a spear. The crowd cheers loudly. TNT rolls around on the mat holding his stomach, but he gets up after a few seconds. Magnum rolls over to the ropes and pulls himself up. TNT charges at Magnum again, but Magnum surprises him again, this time with a jumping superkick. The crowd cheers as TNT falls back into the ropes. He bounces off of them, and Magnum catches him, lifts him up with a flapjack, and hits him with a cutter as TNT comes down. The crowd keeps cheering as Magnum rolls away from TNT to get a breather.*

Tom: Sweet Sassy Molassy! Wave Goodbye followed by the Paradise Blues! Magnum is getting back into the game!

Jeannie: He can get back into me, if you know what I mean.

Tom: I know what you mean. You don’t have to say that.

Jeannie: Then, how will people know that I’m making a double entendre?

Tom: We won’t, and that’s a good thing.

*Magnum rolls over to the corner and stays there, waiting for TNT to get up. However, he doesn’t see Nicole sneaking up behind him. She moves near his right foot and suddenly grabs it, trying to pull the laces out. Magnum suddenly notices Nicole fiddling with his boot. So, he reaches over the top rope, grabs Nicole hair, and pulls her up onto the apron, with the crowd cheering him on. Nicole struggles the whole way, but Magnum’s too strong for her. Then, Nicole swings her arm, trying to slap Magnum. But, Magnum catches her arm. Then, Magnum suddenly gives Nicole a long deep kiss.*

Tom: Whoa! It looks like Jeannie isn’t the only one with sex on the brain.

Jeannie: No! I said, “me!” I want Magnum to get back into me! Not Nicole!

Tom: Well, if wishes were horses, then…wait…back!? Does that mean he already…?

Jeannie: Not now! I’m furious!

*Magnum keeps kissing Nicole. As this goes on, TNT finally gets up. He turns around and sees one of his bitter enemies kissing one of his girls. This pisses him off. Then, Magnum finally lets up. Nicole looks woozy; she obviously enjoyed it. This pisses TNT off even more. He suddenly charges at Magnum. However, Magnum moves out the way, and TNT eats turnbuckle, banging heads with Nicole. Nicole falls off the apron. He bounces out of the corner, and Magnum grabs TNT from behind with a straight jacket hold. Then, TNT drops down with a rear mat slam. He grabs TNT’s leg for a pin.*

Ref: 1…2…*TNT kicks out.*

Tom: Magnum almost gets a three with Dream A Little Dream.

Jeannie: I have a dream. A dream where Nicole Michaels falls down a stairway and me and Magnum make out on a Hawaiian beach like “From Here To Eternity.”

Tom: You keep dreaming, because that ain’t coming true.

*Magnum gets up and picks up TNT. He hits TNT a few chops and pushes him back into the ropes. Then, he whips TNT across the ring. As he bounces off the ropes, Magnum charges at him with a clothesline, but TNT ducks. Both men run to the ropes, hit them, bounce of off them and charge at each other. TNT tries to back body drop Magnum, but he telegraphs it. Magnum counters by grabbing TNT and hitting him with a facebuster knee smash. TNT bounces up, and Magnum kicks him in the stomach. Then, he grabs TNT, picks him up, and hits him with a double underhook piledriver. He rolls TNT over onto the mat and covers him.*

Ref: 1…2…*TNT gets a shoulder up.*

Tom: TNT kicks out again, this time from The Big Blow.

Jeannie: I mean, where does Nicole get off kissing Magnum?

Tom: First off, he kissed her. Second, get over it! It happened, and you can’t go back in time to stop it!

Jeannie: Don’t tell me what to do! I’m gonna build a time machine just to prove you wrong!

Tom: Really? Well, good luck with that.

*Magnum gets up, runs to the ropes, bounces off of them, runs back to TNT, and lands on him with a splash. He quickly gets up onto his knees, grabs TNT by his hair, pulls him up a little, and punches him in the head a few times. Then, Magnum gets up and picks up TNT, placing him on his shoulders for the Ode To Tom Selleck (Reverse thrown Inverted Death Valley Driver). However, TNT manages to slip off of Magnum’s shoulders. He grabs Magnum from behind, pushes him to the ropes, and tries to rope him over onto the mat into a pin. However, Magnum grabs the ropes, and TNT just rolls over onto the mat. Magnum turns around and charges at TNT with another clothesline. However, TNT ducks, runs to the ropes, and charges at Magnum as he runs to the opposite ropes. Suddenly, Damien Blood runs down to the ring, jumps onto the apron, jumps onto the top rope, jumps off, and hits TNT from behind with a springboard forearm strike. The ref immediately calls for the bell as Damien pounces on TNT, punching him in the back of the head. Magnum hits the ropes and bounces off of them, but he stops when he sees Damien attacking TNT.*

Tom: Damien Blood!

Jeannie: What the hell!?

Tom: He just hit TNT with Rambo: First Blood II!

Jeannie: What is going on!?

Finkel: Here is your winner, by disqualification—TNT!!!!

Tom: Well, Magnum just lost.

Jeannie: But, it’s a DQ. He’ll keep the Blazing Path Title.

*The crowd boos that TNT has won the match, but he can’t enjoy it since Damien is still attacking him. Magnum just looks on. The ref tries to pull Damien off of TNT, but Damien hits him with a chop to the throat, knocking him down. Magnum immediately checks on the ref as Damien goes back to attacking TNT. Nicole gets up from her collision with TNT and sees Damien attacking TNT. She runs over to the timekeeper’s area to get a chair. However, TNT manages to fight back with some elbow strikes. This allows him to turn around, and he starts punching Damien; but Damien grabs him by the throat with his left hand and punches him with his right. Suddenly, Nicole runs into the ring with the chair. Unfortunately for her, Damien sees her. He jumps up, spears Nicole, and starts choking her. The crowd’s boos get louder, but they suddenly turn to cheers as Magnum gets up, grabs the chair, and smashes it onto Damien’s back. Damien rolls off of Nicole and crawls to a corner. Magnum drops the chair and pounces on him, punching and kicking the crap out of him. The timekeeper rings the bell throughout this whole melee, but like always, it doesn’t stop what goes on in the ring.*

Tom: Damn! We have a pretty big brawl going on!

Jeannie: Where are the referees and security? They were able to keep Damien Blood from interfering earlier.

*Magnum keeps punching and kicking Damien. However, Damien gets in one good kick in the crotch. Magnum backs away and falls to the mat, holding his crotch. Damien gets up and grabs the chair Magnum dropped. Magnum gets back up, and Damien moves behind him and smashes the chair into Magnum’s back. Magnum falls to his knees in pain as the crowd boos him. Damien goes to hit Magnum with the chair again, but suddenly, L. Rey runs down to the ring. The crowd cheers loudly as he slides into the ring. Damien quickly charges at L. Rey and swings the chair at him. However, L. Rey ducks, slips under Damien, runs to the ropes, and jumps onto them. Damien turns around, and L. Rey jumps off, hitting the chair into Damien with a springboard enziguiri.*

Tom: Santa Vaca! L. Rey saves the day with El Angel Wave!

Jeannie: Where the hell are the refs and security!?

*L. Rey gets up and checks on Magnum. Meanwhile, Nicole crawls over to TNT, and they help each other up. Then, TNT suddenly charges at L. Rey and hits him with a bicycle kick, knocking him to the mat. TNT then jumps onto L. Rey, punching him mercilessly. As this goes on, Damien slips out of the ring. Nicole notices this and tells TNT. He turns to see Damien slipping away, gets off of L. Rey, exits the ring, and charges at Damien. Damien turns around in time to be taken down by TNT. Both men punch each other on the ramp. Suddenly, referees and security guards rush down to pull the two men apart. A few refs enter the ring to check on Magnum and the fallen ref.*

Jeannie: FINALLY! There are the refs and security.

Tom: They did take their time getting here. Well, at least they’re here now.

*The refs and security have a hard time pulling them apart. After a minute or two, they finally pull them apart. However, just as TNT and Damien are pulled apart, Nicole rushes over and attacks Damien. Suddenly, TNT breaks free and joins in Nicole on beating up Damien. The refs and security people try to pull them apart. In the ring, L. Rey gets up. He sees the brawl on the outside, and then a devilish grin washes on his face. He rushes to the ropes, bounces off of them, runs across the ring, jumps onto the top rope, jumps off, and lands on TNT, Nicole, Damien, the security guards, and the referees with a shooting star plancha. The crowd breaks out a “Holy Shit!” chant.

Jeannie: HOLY SHIT!

Tom: La Empujón del Angel Que Disparando from L. Rey!

Jeannie: He took out everyone! God, I love L. Rey.

Tom: Jesus Christ! We gotta get some control

*L. Rey gets up and starts punching Damien and then TNT. The refs and security quickly get up and try to pull everyone apart. Then, we cut to a promo for the next PPV.*

[Reynaldo Fernandéz]

*Metallica's St. Anger comes over the speakers, causing the crowd to jeer and boo. At the top of the ramp, Rosie emerges from the backstage area, sneering at the assembled fans, obviously caring nothing for them. She stops several times on her way down the ramp to berate fans who have as little use for her, if not less so.*

Finkel: Our next match is scheduled for one-fall. Introducing first, making her way to the ring from the Land of Purity! She weighs in tonight at 200 pounds...RRRRRRRRRRRRRROSIE!

*Rosie stands in the ring, looking cocky and gesturing toward the entrance ramp with a "come on" expression. Her wait is finally rewarded when the house lights go down, eliciting a cheer from the crowd. The lights come back up in French blue and white as "Le Marseillaise" begins to play over the PA system. The fans, and Rosie, seem momentarily confused--but the figure who appears at the top of the ramp alleviates any questions. It's Lana de la Croix herself, clad in a Joan of Arc costume, leather, chain mail, and all. Her long red hair is braided and wrapped around her head, giving her the appearance of a Valkyrie or avenging angel as she strides purposefully down the ramp toward Rosie.*

Tom: Lana's last victory over Vile seems to have given her some additional confidence and spring in her step.
Jeannie: Big victory--she rolled Vile up while the luchadora was distracted.
Tom: Well, she stood toe-to-toe in that no-contest with Rosie herself at the last Vindication.
Jeannie: If it's not a win, no one cares. And I don't like Lana's odds against Rosie in a no-DQ scenario. ...Not that I care.
Tom: Of course not.
Finkel: And her opponent, hailing from Bayou L'Ourse, Louisiana--she weighs in tonight at 109 pounds--LANA DE LA CRRRRRRRRRRROIX!

*Lana climbs the ring steps in a trice, standing momentarily on the apron before springing from the bottom rope over into the ring, coming face to face with the zealot. Rosie glowers down at the smaller woman, saying something that the mics can't pick up. Lana's face goes paler than normal, but she stands her ground and manages to retort.*

Tom: I can't make out what's being said, but I think it's safe to assume that they aren't trading recipes for pumpkin pie.
Jeannie: Who would? Yecch.
Tom: You're un-American.

*The referee signals for the bell. Lana and Rosie begin to circle each other tentatively. They lock up, and Rosie quickly shoves Lana to the ground. The large woman stomps over and forces the rising Lana back to the ground with a stomp of her boot, raking the heel across Lana's face. She then pulls Lana up, using the braid as a handhold, and tosses her halfway across the ring, eliciting loud boos from the fans. Lana slowly comes to her feet, only to be beaten back down with a clubbing blow from Rosie. The rude woman chains Lana down with a headlock, and as Lana tries to elbow her way out of the predicament, Rosie drives her to the mat with a bulldog.*

Tom: This is not looking good for Lana so far. Rosie's dominating this matchup, even without the help of weapons.
Jeannie: Call me when I should care.
Tom: *sigh*

*Rosie climbs onto Lana's back and pulls her head up by her loosened braid, creating a sort of camel clutch. With Lana screaming in pain, Rosie switches to a one-handed grip on her hair and uses her now free arm to batter Lana with an elbow shot. She then releases the hold, preferring to slap Lana about the head and neck with harsh, open-palm strikes. The crowd boos her relentlessly, and she stands up and walks over to the jeering masses, arms out as if challenging any or all of them to stop her. Slow to her feet, Lana sneaks up behind the braggart and takes her off her feet with a rolling victory cradle, wrapping her smaller arms around her foe's legs and leaning back with all of her weight.*

1...
2...
...No.

*Rosie kicks out, but Lana manages to roll out backwards and back onto her feet. Rosie makes it to her feet, as well, but is sent stumbling into the ropes by a crisp enzuigiri. Still disoriented, Rosie tumbles onto the middle rope, throat first, which allows Lana to capitalize with a leaping double stomp to Rosie's back, which she follows up by jumping over the ropes and snapping Rosie's neck on the rope again with a leg drop.*

Tom: Lana with some nice offense to get back into this match. Jeannie--dare I ask why your eyes are closed?
Jeannie: I'm saving myself for the bigger matches later on tonight.
Tom: I knew it, I knew I shouldn't have asked.

*Lana, obviously pleased that her efforts have paid off, takes a moment to plan her next move, but that proves to be a moment too long. Rosie, the cobwebs cleared and breathing normally again, snags Lana by her belt as she rises, lifting her one-handed. The redhead struggles to free herself, but Rosie proves too strong.*

Tom: This isn't looking good for Mademoiselle de la Croix.
Jeannie: It never looked good for her, Tom. This match is the equivalent of a dog fight between a French poodle and a Rottweiler.
Tom: Well, I--OOOF! A fierce powerbomb from Rosie sends Lana to the mat!

*Rosie wastes no time, mounting the smaller woman and pummeling her with a flurry of punches. The referee, his hands tied by the no-DQ stipulations of the night, can only watch to see if Lana's shoulders touch the mat. Rosie collects a two-count, but Lana manages to sit back up on her elbows, working to get out from under Rosie's bulky frame. Rosie puts her back down with a harsh headbutt, then slowly stands up, daring Lana to do the same. Rosie charges to the ropes as Lana rises, shaking her head as if to clear it. Rosie goes for the big boot, but Lana ducks it and prepares for her opponent to turn around.*

Tom: What's she got going now?

*Lana hits Rosie with a flying leg lariat, flooring the larger woman. Seeing her chance, Lana bounds off the ropes, only to get caught with a power slam that shakes the ring slightly. Rosie goes for a pin.*

1...
2...

*Rosie yanks Lana off the mat by her head, thumbing toward herself and answering the booing of the crowd with an admonition of her own.*

Tom: What is she doing?
Jeannie: Showing everyone who's the boss, and it's not Tony Danza.
Tom: Getting up there in years with that reference, eh?
Jeannie: NO! I just...watched it a lot...as a kid! A kid!
Tom: Right, sure, uh-huh.

*Rosie shoves Lana onto the ropes, then hits her with a stiff lariat that sends her toppling over the ropes. As Rosie turns to gloat some more, Lana manages to catch her feet under the middle rope, her knees bent over the top rope. Thinking fast, the young Cajun shows off some flexibility by bending backwards, reaching through the ropes, and tripping Rosie as the larger woman tries to step forward--sending her face-first into the canvas. Lana briskly unfolds herself from the ropes such that she is standing on the middle rope. She jumps off and drops a leg on Rosie's neck, then rolls her over for a cover.*

1...
2...
...No.

Tom: Close call there for Rosie as the legdrop gets Lana two.
Jeannie: This is kind of a lame no DQ match--not a single weapon shot yet! The worst we've seen is some closed-fist hits from Rosie. This is why I hate women's matches these days...they take it too easy on each other.
Tom: I'm sure you never took it easy on your opponents in the ring, right?
Jeannie: Of course not! This is wrestling, not pattycake!

*Lana is back to her base, but Rosie has yet to come up from her hands and knees. Lana stands on Rosie's back, steadying her feet as Rosie tries to crawl away. This is to no avail, as Lana still jumps off and nails her with a Shooting Star Kneedrop that knocks the wind out of Rosie upon impact. Lana tries to roll her foe out onto her back, but Rosie doesn't stop, desperately barrel-rolling out of the ring. Once there, she slowly gets to her feet while Lana sets up her next move. The tiny Cajun hops onto the top rope and launches herself at Rosie with a moonsault. Rosie moves out of the way, letting her smaller opponent crash to the floor hard. She grabs a handful of red hair and pulls Lana uncerimoniously to her feet. The zealot whips Lana across the floor, sending her head over heels and back-first into the steel ringsteps. Rosie growls aggressively, pleased with her handiwork, and begins ripping up the thin foam mats at ringside, exposing the concrete floor underneath.*

Tom: What now??
Jeannie: Lana won't enjoy it, I'll bet you money.

*As Lana painfully unfolds herself from the rather uncomfortable position that Rosie threw her in, her enemy stalks her mercilessly. Scooping her up, Rosie walks Lana over to the concrete. Lana, naturally, resists, forcing Rosie to improvise and instead drop her onto the barricade between the ring area and the seating area, gut-first. The blow knocks the wind out of the novice, an opportunity which Rosie leaps at, smashing Lana's head into the barricade, as well. She then goes for another grapple, but gets a Pelé kick for her troubles. The shot floors her momentarily, but she takes the advantage and begins rummaging under the ring apron for a weapon. Lana meanwhile jumps back into the ring, using Rosie as an impromptu step. This slight only serves to irritate the beastly woman further.*

Tom: Rosie's got something in her hands now--you may get your wish after all, Jeannie.
Jeannie: No way--there's no dudes and no Crisco.
Tom: I don't know what sort of pay-per-view YOU think this is...

*Rosie slides back into the ring, kendo stick in hand and bad intentions in her eyes. Lana starts to back away instinctively, but must take a body shot full-on. Rosie swings for the fences, but Lana leans back just enough for the weapon to miss its mark. Rosie swings back, but Lana ducks this one and jumps up, pegging Rosie with a dropsault that sends her out of the ring and to the apron. Lana looks to capitalize on this opening, but Rosie sees her jumping to the adjacent ropes and bails out to the floor just as Lana takes flight. Rosie imagines that Lana has crashed and burned on the ropes, so she mocks her to the non-appreciation of the crowd. She goes so far as to threaten one fan in the front row with the kendo stick. Unbeknownst to her, however, Lana caught herself on the middle rope. Upon seeing the mockery, she bounces off the top rope. As Rosie jaws on, Lana crashes into her with a spinning plancha, smashing her against the barricade. As the crowd roars its approval, Lana blushes slightly and moves on.*

Jeannie: Well, that was stupid of Rosie.
Tom: This is new from you.
Jeannie: Any idiot knows you never take your focus off your opponent until the match is won. Overconfidence will kill you faster than anything your opponent can do to you.
Tom: ...I have new respect for you, Jeannie.
Jeannie: I still don't respect you, Tom.
Tom: *sigh* Lana de la Croix continues to impress with her aerial skills.
Jeannie: Sack it, Tom. That's all she has going for her, and everyone knows it. If she couldn't do that, she wouldn't even be here!
Tom: That hardly seems fair, Jeannie.
Jeannie: She has yet to prove me wrong.

*Lana takes her time, calmly sliding back into the ring and waiting patiently for her opponent. Rosie is clearly pissed now, having dropped her weapon over the barricade as a souvenir for some lucky fan. She searches again under the ring after freeing herself from the barricade. She finds some new plunder under there, shoving a chair into the ring. Lana is still catching her breath, waiting for her foe. When Rosie gets into the ring and rises to her feet, Lana takes off, hitting Rosie with a spinning elbow bash. The big shot barely fazes Rosie, so Lana jumps back on offense with an arm wrench. Rosie counters with her own elbow bunt, reversing the pressure on the arm wrench, and a few grappled shoulder bashes. Rosie then whips Lana into a turnbuckle and rushes in after her, extending her arm for an obvious clothesline attempt. Lana ducks out of the way, allowing Rosie to crash into the corner. Rosie stumbles forth and is met with a Koppo Kick from her tiny opponent that sends her into the turnbuckle more emphatically than before. Lana jumps up and pulls Rosie out of the corner with a swift monkey flip, using her strong legs to propel the larger woman halfway across the ring. Lana kips up, but stumbles when her back twinges from its earlier abuse. Still she presses on, climbing to the top of the turnbuckle and lining her foe up for her newest signature move. She crosses herself reverently; Rosie stands woozily and turns to face a Cajun missle in midflight. Just as Lana wraps her legs around Rosie's neck, Rosie grabs her legs and drives the smaller woman to the floor with a sitout powerbomb. She then cradles Lana for a pin.*

1...
2...
3...not yet.

*Rosie is fully angry with her resilient foe. She grabs the previously discarded chair and stands up, stalking the Louisiana heiress with hate in her heart. As Lana stands up, holding her back and wincing, Rosie clobbers her in the head with homicidal speed, flooring her hard.*

Tom: Nasty chairshot, and Lana might very well be out of this one now.
Jeannie: Looks like Joan of Arc has finally run out of miracles.

*Rosie brandishes the chair over the downed Cajun, relishing the view of her helpless victim, then raises it to finish the job. As she brings it down, however, Lana catches it on her feet and shoves it hard into Rosie's leering mug. Dazed by the shot, Rosie is staggered enough to allow Lana to take to her feet slowly. Rosie shakes the impact off as best she can and approaches Lana again, but Lana catches the chair in mid-swing and somehow manages to rip it from Rosie's grasp. Far from looking upset, Rosie seems amused by this act of defiant anger. She stops and holds her arms out wide, inviting Lana to take her best shot. Lana pauses for a moment, looking for treachery, but does as she's invited--resulting in her smashing the shair so hard over Rosie's head that the steel warps around her dome. Rosie's eyes are glazed over in an instant. Lana drops the chair and quickly locks in a front facelock, barely able to keep Rosie standing. With a scream akin to a Rebel yell, Lana drives Rosie into the chair face first.*

Tom: Bayou Blast from Lana!
Jeannie: I TOLD you that you never get overconfident with an opponent!

*Lana rolls Rosie over for a pin attempt...*

1...
2...
3!!

*The referee signals for the bell and Lana is on her feet, looking simultaneously proud and concerned by her victory. Rosie appears to be out cold, but it's obvious that the fans don't care as they laud Lana's victory with raucous cheers and applause. A few fans down front have taken up a "she's hardcore" chant. Lana seems overwhelmed by it all as she allows the referee to raise her hand in victory.*

Jeannie: I'll be damned. Lightning DID strike twice. She might have just killed Rosie dead, from the look of it.
Tom: Lana de la Croix has hit her stride here in W*I*G, picking up back-to-back victories over larger, more experienced opponents.
Jeannie: She's damned lucky, I'll say that for her.
Tom: You can't believe that these wins were all luck and no skill, can you?
Jeannie: Who cares? I meant that she gets to hang out with Chaz and Fa--*ahem* Chaz all day.
Tom: *suspicious* What did you start to say?
Jeannie: Nothing. Now, what's the next match? God, man--do your job like a professional!

[Reynaldo Fernandéz]

*"The Brown Bull of Cooley" starts ripping through the W*I*G-Sphere & at after about 0:40 Maeve O'Hare steps out onto the stage & the crowd begin booing.*

Finkel: The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is for the Wrestling's Innovative Genesis Undisputed Women's Championship & it will be contested under Halloween Hell Rules. Introducing first, the challenger, representing Team Ireland, from Derry City, Northern Ireland, standing six feet tall, she weighed in this morning at 240lbs, "The Warrior Queen"... MAEEEEVE... O~HAAAAARRRE!!!

*The green, white & gold pyro explodes as Maeve drops down to a knee & flashes a double biceps pose to the growing jeers of the crowd.*

Jeannie: 240lbs? I thought she was gaining weight!

Tom: As soon as Maeve heard that Fannie Package had issued this challenge to her she decided to try & beef up to her biggest ever as quickly as she could.

Jeannie: So she's gained, what? Eight pounds in a month? Remind me not to try that diet! She's still giving up a hell of alot of weight to Fannie, though.

*Maeve continues her march on down to the ring, rolling her neck & swinging her arms as she goes.*

Tom: I also can't help but notice she's alone tonight.

Jeannie: She was alone at the last PPV too & we know what happened there.

*Maeve reaches the ring & clambers up the steps. She steps in through the middle & top ropes & climbs a ring-post giving another flex of her enormous physique.*

*Maeve's posing routine is interrupted by a pounding drum beat as a familiar remixed version of "Maneater" kicks in.*

*After about 25 seconds or so, the spot-lights swing around to focus at the top of the ramp. The camera shows a close-up of a pair of boots & slowly continues to rise going past a pair of tree-trunk like muscular legs, past a set of chiselled abs & a bulging set of pectorals before showing the face of Fannie Package. Her hair is dyed blonde. She's wearing a pair of tasseled black leather trunks & a black sleeveless cut-off T-Shirt. Her arms are outstretched, proudly displaying her two Championship belts.*

The Fink: And her opponent, the current reigning & defending Wrestling's Innovative Genesis Undisputed Women's Champion, from San Francisco, California, standing six feet, three inches tall, she weighed in this morning at 299lbs... FANNIE... PACK~AAAAAAGE!

*Fannie allows the belts to slip down to her shoulders, flashing a double biceps pose at the top of the stage as her muscular form is silhouetted by a pyro explosion from behind her.*

Tom: Fannie seems a bit more serious about competiton tonight.

Jeannie: She should be. Even without her father backing her up Maeve O'Hare is one of the most dangerous women in W*I*G!

*Fannie moves on down towards the ring, high-fiving with fans & stopping to let some touch her belts or even get a photo taken. Fannie slides into the ring & slips off her two title belts before handing them off to the referee. She then gets face-to-face with Maeve. The pair have a rather intense staredown while the official holds the titles aloft before he calls for the bell.*

DING-DING!

*Maeve looks Fannie up & down apparently unimpressed. Maeve gives a flex of her massive arms & Fannie rolls her eyes skywards. Fannie responds by tearing off her T-shirt, revealing a black leather tasselled bikini top, matching her trunks. She gives an impressive flex of her own immense physique, making Maeve look positively tiny in comparison.*

Tom: A posedown? Are we seriously doing this?

Jeannie: There's no harm in seeing who has the better physique.

Tom: You're enjoying this aren't you?

Jeannie:...

*Undeterred, Maeve holds her arms aloft, challenging Fannie to a test of strength, determined to best Fannie at SOMETHING she's renowned for.*

Jeannie: Normally I'd think anyone would be crazy to challenge Fannie Package to a test of strength, but Maeve might just be able to do it.

Tom: All the same, I don't think it's wise to get into Fannie's grip. I've seen this woman crush apples by making a fist. She's able to smash watermelons by squeezing them in her arms. Her strength is not something to take lightly.

*Fannie raises her own arms, engaging Maeve with a Greco-Roman Knuckle lock. The two seem to be on an even keel for a moment, until Maeve is able to raise her own arms ever-so-slightly, forcing Fannie to go downwards. Fannie then flashes a sly grin up at Maeve, before she begins to stand again, forcing Maeve to back off & go downwards. Before Maeve can be driven fully down to her knees, she kicks Fannie in the stomach & starts whaling on her with harsh, clubbing blows. The fight soon spills out of the ring as the pair roll out onto the floor.*

Jeannie: Now the formalities are over. Time for ass whuppin'!

*Maeve whips Fannie towards the security railing & Fannie's lower back hits the steel rail with a clatter. Maeve takes a run at Fannie who gives her a back-body drop into the audience. The fans part as Maeve takes a spill onto the concrete floor. Fannie steps over the rail only to be met by an uppercut from Maeve. The massive muscle-woman is staggered for a moment, nearly falling into a crowd of spectators. Maeve grabs a nearby chair & takes advantage of Fannie's dazed state to throw it right at her. Fannie is unable to block the chair as it collides with her face. Maeve leaps right on Fannie & starts whaling on her with hard lefts & rights as Fannie struggles to cover up.*

Tom: This might be one advantage Maeve has over Fannie. She can strike very hard. Maeve may not match up in pure brute strength, but she posesses some very effective punches.

*Maeve relents for a moment as she retrieves another chair left behind by a fan fleeing the scene. She turns to smash Fannie's head in with it, only to find the chair stopped as Fannie clamps her muscular mitts around it. Fannie wrenches the chair from Maeve's hands & tosses it aside. Maeve is stunned. Fannie boots Maeve in the stomach & lifts her up for a Body Slam. Fannie slams Maeve hard right on the bare concrete floor before dropping an elbow onto her surgically enhanced chest.*

Jeannie: YEOWCH! Right onto the floor like that AND coming from a woman with the strength of Fannie Package. Maeve must be seriously regretting this match right now.

*Fannie drags Maeve further out into the crowd. Maeve begins to fight back & whips Fannie towards a wall behind the fans. Maeve holds her own lower-back as she backs up a little bit before she takes a run at Fannie, her head & shoulders lowered. Maeve charges right at Fannie who dodges aside at the last second. Maeve collides headfirst with the wall & then falls backwards clutching at her skull. Fannie dives to make the cover on Maeve...*

1...





2...





KICKOUT!

*Maeve manages to escape Fannie's pinfall & goes immediately on the offensive again, striking Fannie with debilitating punches & driving the enormous "woman" back through the crowd. Fannie fights back with a few punches of her own, causing Maeve to stagger a little bit. The two fight their way up a stairway, trading blows as they go, fans moving in either direction to allow the two muscular behemoths passage. Maeve strikes Fannie with a stiff blow to the jaw & Fannie is left reeling. Fannie makes her way along the front of the bleachers as Maeve follows. Fannie grabs drinks & snacks from fans, chucking them back at Maeve as she attempts to regain her bearings. Maeve swats the snacks aside as she advances closer to Fannie. Maeve manages to catch up to Fannie at the top of the steps. Maeve swipes two beers from fans; one of which she downs in one go, the other of which she takes a swig from before spitting it into Fannie's face.*

Tom: Maeve is well-known at bars around the W*I*G-Sphere for her impressive alcohol intake.

Jeannie: And unfortunately for Fannie, she's a mean drunk!

*Maeve gives Fannie a boot to the mid-section & the Undisputed W*I*G Women's Champion goes tumbling down the stairs. Fannie lies at the bottom of the stairs. Maeve climbs up on to the banister & showing tremendous balance for a moment, takes a short run down it before launching herself off, aiming for a Splash directly onto Fannie Package!*

Tom: What dexterity! That's a 240lbs woman showing balance that would make a cat envious!

*The referee makes his way through the crowd of fans before getting down to make the count...*

1...







2...







KICKOUT!

*Maeve is astonished. She brushes her long, blonde hair back as she looks up at the referee in total shock. She's in the process of admonishing the referee when Fannie begins getting back to her feet. Fannie grabs Maeve in a Full Nelson. Maeve struggles to escape from Fannie's powerful grip, but it is to little avail. In desperation, Maeve stamps as hard as she can on one of Fannie's unusually large feet. Fannie relents & drops Maeve to the floor. Maeve tries crawling away to escape Fannie. Fannie follows at a little bit of a distance as Maeve attempts to scurry away. Maeve finally makes a break from the audience, getting near to the stage. She's about to step over the security railing when a powerful hand grabs her by her long hair. Maeve slowly turns around to face Fannie with an alarmed expression on her face. Maeve pokes Fannie in the eyes & makes a break for it over the rail & towards the backstage area.*

Jeannie: And now Maeve's turning tail & running.

Tom: This match could end up just about anywhere!

*Fannie blinks a few times, trying to regain her vision. The referee checks on her & Fannie indicates that she is okay to continue. She steps over the security rail & makes her way backstage to find Maeve. The cameras backstage precede Fannie, but there's still no sign of Maeve. Fannie has a look around only to get whacked by, you guessed it, a Hurley. Coach O'Hare steps out from a nearby hallway. The referee attempts to get O'Hare to leave 'til the Coach points out the Hardcore nature of not only this match, but the entire PPV. Wielding his Hurley, O'Hare then strikes the referee with a particularly nasty looking blow across the temple.*

Tom: Of course, it was only a matter of time before O'Hare showed up!

Jeannie: But why the attack on the referee?

*O'Hare unzips his leather jacket & removes his Irish Rugby shirt... revealing underneath it a black & white referee's shirt.*

Jeannie: Oh, NOW I get it!

Tom: This is NO way for Maeve O'Hare to be winning her first ever championship!

*Maeve finally re-emerges, dragging a table behind her. Maeve sets the table up as her father hands her a small black sack. Maeve unties the thong of the sack & empties the contents onto the table. It contained, of course, that old Hardcore favourite, thumb-tacks. Fannie begins to stand again, at which Coach O'Hare gives her another whack with the Hurley. Maeve gets into position, bringing Fannie to her feet once more & placing Fannie's head between her legs. Maeve tries to lift Fannie up for a Powerbomb, but Fannie resists. Maeve clubs & clubs at Fannie's back, but still she doesn't give in. Finally, Coach O'Hare hits Fannie another crack with the Hurley & Maeve hefts her right up. Maeve drives Fannie right through the thumb-tack covered table & onto the concrete floor!*

Jeannie: Talk about overkill! Thumbtacks, table, concrete! This doesn't look good for Fannie!

*Maeve moves in to make the cover & her father slides right up next to her to make the count...*

1...





2...





SHOULDER UP!

*Maeve can't believe it. She covers Fannie again, telling her father to count faster...*

1...



2...



SHOULDER UP!

*Maeve positions herself on top of Fannie again, this time pressing all her weight onto Fannie's upper body...*

1...

2...

KICKOUT!

*A kickout with authority, as they say, as Fannie manages to press Maeve's rather sizeable body off her in such a fashion that Maeve lands a short distance away.*

Tom: Those counts don't seem to have an even cadence.

*Fannie rolls over & one can clearly see a great number of thumbtacks stuck firmly into her wide, muscular back. She manages to stand & is about to advance on Maeve when Coach O'Hare inserts himself. He's trying to get Fannie to back off, but she simply won't stop. Maeve tries to get away again as her father attempts to stall Fannie. Fannie shoves Coach O'Hare aside & continues in pursuit of Maeve. Maeve rounds a corner with Fannie following closely. Fannie, sensing something suspicious, ducks as she goes around the corner herself; wisely, as it happens, since Maeve is holding a chair up around the corner. Maeve swings the chair & hits nothing but the wall. Fannie slinks behind Maeve & smashes her in the back of the head with her meaty forearm causing Maeve to drop the metal seating implement.*

Jeannie: I don't think I've ever seen Fannie move so smoothly before.

*Maeve stumbles a few steps forward & Fannie clubs her with an Polish Hammer to the back of the head. Maeve falls face-first onto the floor & Fannie makes a cover. Coach O'Hare gets into position to count...*



1...













2...













KICKOUT!

*Fannie seems dubious with regards to the cadence of the Coach's count. She challenges him on it but he insists it was just as quick for Fannie as it was for Maeve.*

Jeannie: Okay, there was definitely a difference there.

*While Fannie debates with O'Hare, Maeve slips up behind her & nails the immense mass of muscle with a Dropkick to her already punctured back. The pain rips through Fannie's back & she drops down to a knee. Maeve drills Fannie a with a knee to the temple. Before Maeve can even make a cover, Fannie is getting back up. Maeve wallops Fannie with a kick to the chest. Fannie is down again & Maeve leaps on her for another cover...*

1...



2...



KICKOUT!

*Maeve gets up again & her father leans in, giving her a little advice. The pair of them drag Fannie back to her feet & bring her to the top of a nearby flight of stairs. Each of them hooks an arm of Fannie's over their respective shoulders.*

Tom: This will end badly. This is just like how Maeve ended the career of EWT GND Tiffany!

*Fannie manages to resist the attempted suplex & instead performs a double suplex on both O'Hare's onto the concrete floor at the top of the stairs. Fannie makes a cover on Maeve, kneeling on her opponent's arms & flexing her own massive biceps...*

*Of course, there can be no count. Fannie curses herself for her stupidity as she stands again, wondering exactly what to do here in order to win. She tries to slap the Coach back into consciousness. As she's doing so, a pair of muscular arms trap Fannie from behind in a Full Nelson hold.*

Tom: Now Maeve's reversing the roles from earlier & putting the hold on Fannie!

*Fannie fights the hold as much as she can, but at this point, the match has really taken it's toll. Maeve really locks the hold in with all her strength, but Fannie manages to break the hold, surprising Maeve firstly with her level of endurance & secondly by dragging Maeve's face towards the back of her head. Maeve's nose collides with the back of Fannie's skull with enough force to leave her face bloody. Maeve takes a few steps back as blood pours from her nose. She holds her gloved hand to her nose, seeing the blood dripping from it. Maeve leaps right at Fannie & takes her down with an almighty Spear. Maeve mounts Fannie & begins raining punches on her face. Maeve keeps hammering at Fannie's muscular mug with a series of strong, stiff right-hand blows. Fannie's face seems to have absorbed a lot of punishment as her lip & nose are bleeding & there's a trickle of blood coming from her temple. Her left eye is starting to swell up as well. Maeve lies across Fannie & barks at her father to start counting!*

1...



2...



KICKOUT!

Tom: Maeve's giving orders & looks like she's not taking any crap, even from her own father!

*Fannie manages to kick out yet again. But it is apparent that the match & the decidedly shady tactics employed by her opponent & the self-appointed official are taking their toll. Fannie sits up again & manages to block an attempted kick from Maeve. She manages to shove Maeve's foot away & send the woman herself flying a short distance. Maeve recovers, managing to regain her balance just in time to get hit by a massive clothesline from Fannie. Fannie bends over to drag Maeve back to a standing position again. The Undisputed W*I*G Women's Champion whips Maeve towards a stack of steel rods used to reinforce the ring-frame. Maeve clatters into the pile of rods which go rolling in all directions. Fannie advances as Maeve groans in pain & tries to roll over onto her stomach. Fannie tries to roll Maeve back over, but gets one of Maeve's boots kicking her squarely in the chest. Fannie falls over backwards. Maeve is trying to get up from the pile of steel rods she landed in, but she can barely manage to move. Coach O'Hare makes his way over & begins to help Maeve up. Her considerable weight makes it difficult for her father to move her. He drags Maeve over to Fannie after a considerable effort. He manages to heft his daughter on top of the Undisputed W*I*G Women's Champion. But is too exhausted by the effort to make a count immediately. After taking a moment to catch his breath, O'Hare gets down next to the girls & begins his count...*

1...


2...


SHOULDER UP!

Jeannie: Well, that one is Maeve's fault. If she hadn't beefed herself up so much for this encounter O'Hare might have been able to get her over there easier.

*Maeve looks up at her father in complete desperation. She slowly gets up & makes a move to retrieve another weapon. Maeve tries to walk a little bit, but finds that crawling suits her better right now. She makes it to the nearest wall & detaches the fire extinguisher. She props herself up against it & makes her way back to the laying Fannie. Maeve lifts the fire extinguisher high overhead & prepares to smash Fannie with it. Fannie manages to meet her halfway & blocks Maeve's attack. Fannie stands again, pushing Maeve back slightly & the two massive women battle over the fire extinguisher. Maeve yanks harshly on it & removes the hose as Fannie stumbles backwards with the canister. The canister starts spraying it's foamy contents all over the place. Coach O'Hare gets a big glob in his eyes.*

Tom: I don't think that was what they had planned at all.

Jeannie: No, duh!

*O'Hare stumbles around blinded. Maeve Spears Fannie who is still clutching that canister to her chest. Fannie falls to the floor as Maeve nurses her shoulder. Maeve calls out "Daddy! Over here!", but her father can't seem to follow her voice in a large echoey hallway. She gets up & grabs the Coach by the wrist.*

Maeve: Now, when I do this next move, wait a wee second then count, okay?

*The Coach nods. Maeve prepares to pick up Fannie & sets her up for a Powerbomb into a stack of pallets. But Fannie reverses the move & hefts Maeve onto her shoulders driving her through the pallets with a loud CRUNCH! Fannie has Maeve pinned. The Coach counts...*

Tom: Dirty Little Secret! I don't think O'Hare realizes it's Fannie!

1...


2...


3!!!

DING-DING-DING!

Finkel: Here is your winner... FAN~NIE... PACK~AGE!

*O'Hare yells out backstage! He's still blinded. He starts swinging wildly all around him, until Fannie places a masive mitt on his mug & pie-faces him to the floor. A stage-hand comes running backstage with Fannie's belts & drapes them over her. She's barely able to stand after all the punishment, but she manages to make it to her feet when Chaz Stone & Lana arrive on the scene to help her. Taking an arm each, Chaz & Lana help Fannie up &, boy, does she need it after that match. They each hold one of her title belst as they carry her off after the match. Maeve is just beginning to stir. She's giving her dad dog's abuse as we cut to the next thing.*

[Reynaldo Fernandéz]

*The lights drop & the eerie reading of Motörhead's "Serial Killer" fills the air. Lemmy's voice rumbles throughout the arena as the crowd sit waiting for the arrival of Coltrane.*

I am the serial killer
I am the bloody hand
I am the chief whore taker
I am the chosen one.

I am the red straight razor,
The one who bathes in blood;
I am the boogey-man, I am
The empty yawning hood,
Look not for pity, no;
I am the heartless man,
I come to fix all things,
I am the one man band.

You cannot yet imagine,
How you will dance for me;
But you will dance forever
To the tune that I decree.
The kingdom of the worm,
Is all things to us all,
But I will teach you many things,
before I let you fall.

I am the black dead nightmare.
I bring a light so bright;
To illuminate the path we take;
I show the way that all hearts break,
And I will see the old world's back be broken

As we descend into the awful

Howling,

Night.

*The wailing guitar at the end of "Serial Killer" segues into Type O Negative's "I Don't Wanna Be Me" & the lights go up, focusing at the stage entrance. Coltrane steps out onto the ramp clad completely in black & the crowd boos him vociferously. Coltrane, as usual, ignores the reaction of the audience, looking only towards the ring.*

Jeannie: Coltrane looks scarily focused, even for him.
Tom: He's longed for this opportunity for months now, Jeannie. After he went into hiding following his loss to Synthy Eris this is the first real opportunity he's had to get that W*I*G World Heavyweight Championship back.

*Coltrane discards his long black coat & paces back & forth in the ring as he awaits the arrival of his opponent.*

*After the entrance by Coltrane, the lights in the W*I*G-Sphere go black. A heavy drum and snare beat sounds off in a thick military cadence. A heavy smoke begins to fill the stage and ringside areas. The guitar riff begins to set in as a number of men and women begin to stand in the front row. The smoke gets thicker, obscuring completely any view of the proceedings. Suddenly, the track skips ahead:*

WE'RE WARRIORS--WARRIORS OF THE WORLD!

*The smoke begins to clear on the stage, revealing Lana de la Croix, dressed as a modernized Joan d'Arc (see 0:17-0:53). A blue spotlight shines on center stage, showing the other contender, Chaz Stone. The Scotsman is kneeling, one hand around the hilt of his familial claymore, which is resting on its tip and dwarfing his genuflecting form. Lana takes a few steps forward and places her hand on his shoulder.*

If I should fall in battle,
My brothers who fight by my side,
Gather my horse and weapons,
Tell my family how I died.

*Chaz begins to rise, raising his head. It is now that we see that Chaz has forgone his typical ring gear, preferring on this night a kilt and sash of the Clan Callaway (MacFarlane) modern hunting tartan and Scotland blue boots with white trim--and not much else.*

Until then, I will be strong.
I will fight for all that is real.
Those who stand in my way will DIE...
*Chaz dramatically draws his blade from its scabbard, holding it to the heavens, then pointing the sword toward Coltrane.*
BY STEEL!

*A pyrotechnic explosion erupts from all four ringposts, the ramp, and the stage. The blast sends Coltrane a foot in the air. Chaz and Lana storm their way to the ring in time to the music. Chaz stops at ringside and leaves his sword with Lana before sliding into the ring headfirst under the ropes, obviously more than ready for this match. As the music fades out, Chaz and Coltrane stare each other down, the referee standing between them, less than enthusiatic to find himself there.*

DING DING DING!

Tom: Well, let it not be said that Chaz Stone doesn't know how to make an entrance.
Jeannie: Be still my heart! Do you think he's wearing that kilt entirely traditionally?
Tom: If he were, he wouldn't be wearing any--Jeannie!
Jeannie: Hey, a girl can dream.

*The referee steps into the ring & holds the vacant W*I*G World Heavyweight Title aloft as Howard Finkel gives the introductions.*

The Fink: Ladies & Gentlemen, LIVE from the W*I*G-Sphere, it's time for your Wrestling's Innovative Genesis: Halloween Hell Pay-Per-View Main Event of the evening. The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is to be contested under No Disqualification rules & it is for the Wrestling's Innovative Genesis World Heavyweight Championship!

*Cheers.*

The Fink: Now, introducing the combatants. First, standing in the corner to my left, standing 6 feet, 3 inches tall, he weighed in this morning at 234lbs, from Queens, New York. This is... COOOOOL~TRAAAAAANE!

*The audience boos, but Coltrane doesn't hear it. He simply stares down Chaz.*

The Fink: And, his opponent. Standing in the corner to my right, standing 6 feet, 7 inches tall, he weighed in this morning at 20 & ³/₄ stone, hailing from Seattle, Washington, by way of Edinburgh, Scotland. He is "The Tower of Power"... CHAAAAAAAAAAZ STOOOOOOOONE!

*Chaz throws up a Maloik for his fans, who cheer him on raucously, but his eyes are fully focused on his foe.*

Tom: This is the biggest bout of either man's career. They've really earned this spot.

DING-DING!

*Coltrane & Chaz stand across the ring for a moment, both then begin circling around the ring. Chaz is the first to make a move, lunging forward at Coltrane. Coltrane is quick to duck out of the ring. Chaz is undeterred. He hits the ropes at the opposite side & makes as if to launch himself out onto Coltrane. Coltrane has little option but to duck in an attempt to protect himself. Chaz looks down on the huddled over Coltrane & gives a chuckle as he stands inside the ring having halted just before he got to the ropes. Coltrane scowls back at Chaz, but Chaz then quickly throws himself from inside the ring right to the outside, managing to land on Coltrane as he does so. Chaz backs Coltrane up against the announce table, forcing his opponent's back against it. Coltrane reaches back with one hand & grabs Jeannie's monitor smashing it against Chaz's head. Chaz goes down with a trickle of blood coming from his hairline.*

Tom:[/]b Coltrane manages to eke his way out of that situation with some decidedly underhanded tactics.
Jeannie: I don't like seeing Chaz getting hit like that either, but this match is No DQ. That means any so-called underhanded techniques fly in this one, baby.

*Coltrane stomps on the downed Chaz & continues to clear the announce table of clutter, removing Tom's monitor & various sheets of paper & water bottles. When Coltrane has the table cleared he turns to face Chaz again. Chaz surprises Coltrane with a massive fist to the jaw. Coltrane goes stumbling back away from the table as Chaz follows him. Coltrane slips back into the ring & Chaz steps in throught an adjacent set of ropes. Coltrane hits Chaz with a Dropkick that staggers "The Tower of Power" momentarily. Chaz is able to regain his footing. Coltrane comes charging right at Chaz, but Chaz catches Coltrane with a Back Body Drop that nearly sends Coltrane to the rafters!*

Tom: Big time Back Body Drop! And the tide has turned now in Chaz's favour.
Jeannie: As long as nobody gets hit in the face I can enjoy this.

*Coltrane slowly gets back to his feet, a hand held to the small of his back. He's barely standing again when Chaz nearly takes his head off with a massive clothesline! Chaz makes a cover...*

1...




2...





KICKOUT!

Tom: Chaz nearly decapitating Coltrane with that brutal Clothesline! I'm amazed he was even able to kick out after two!
Jeannie: Coltrane just wants this title so bad. It's been the driving force behind his whole career.

*Undeterred, Chaz drags Coltrane back standing again. He whips him towards the ropes. Coltrane manages to stop himself from bounding back by holding the top rope. Chaz takes another run at Coltrane who is just quick enough to duck down & keep a hold of the top strand. Chaz realizes this too late to halt his momentum as he stumbles over his own feet before he goes sailing over the top & to the outside once more.*

Tom: Chaz wasn't able to stop in time & Coltrane sends him to the outside.
Jeannie: This might be where Coltrane has the edge. If he can keep tactically ahead of Chaz he can win this match.

*Coltrane takes a run to the opposite side of the ring & attempts to imitate Stone's flying antics by launching himself to the outside with a Plancha. Chaz is wily enough to catch Coltrane as he attempts the cross-body outside the ring. Chaz hits Coltrane with a backbreaker... then another... & a third but rather than complete the Emerauld Reekie, Chaz opts to press Coltrane overhead & throw him back into the ring. The crowd pops big time for Chaz!*

Tom: Well, that sure didn't work out for Coltrane.
Jeannie: I guess he underestimated the strength of Chaz... WOOF!

*Chaz clambers up onto the apron, playing to the crowd a moment before he gets back into the ring. This costs him dearly as Coltrane Spears him from within the ring, sending Chaz flying back through the announcers' table. Tom & Jeannie scatter as the massive Scot crashes through their desk.*

Tom: CHAZ STONE CRASHING THROUGH THE TABLE RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF US! Jeannie control yourself!
Jeannie: But I want to touch...
Tom: Uh-oh. Look out from above!

*Coltrane then heads to the top rope & attempts a Moonsault to the prone Chaz on the outside. The move connects, but such is it's impact that Coltrane practically bounces off Chaz & both men are left with damaged ribs.*

Tom: Coltrane's moonsault hit Chaz Stone in the middle of the wreckage of our table, but he's not able to capitalize on it.

*Coltrane tries to crawl over to Chaz, but the pain, both self-inflicted & Chaz-inflicted, is too great. Instead he grabs a hold of the security rail & tries to drag himself up. Coltrane stumbles slightly, but he eventually manages to stand again just as Chaz is also starting to rise again.*

Jeannie: Now they're both back up & ready to go again!
Tom: Easy, girl.

*Chaz & Coltrane stand facing one another once more. Chaz bridges the distance between them with an alarming burst of speed. Coltrane isn't just quick enough to escape Chaz's reach. Chaz drags Coltrane in for a Short-Arm Clothesline which Coltrane ducks. However, Chaz manages to crack him with a Spinning Back Fist. With Coltrane laid out on the floor, Chaz grabs Coltrane's ankles & slingshots him into the ring-post!*

Jeannie: Oooh, in the face. Can't say I like that.

*Coltrane slumps against the ring-post after his forehead collides with the steel. He reaches up to his forehead & sees the blood that has been produced. He turns then to face Chaz who shoulder barges Coltrane's back against the ring-post. Chaz forces the wind out of Coltrane who begins to waver a little bit. Coltrane then starts to fight back with a series of elbow strikes to Chaz's back & neck until "The Tower of Power" relents. Coltrane reaches under the ring in the hopes of finding anything he might potentially use; an unlikely occurrence given this is the end of an evening of Hardcore Matches.*

Tom: I'm not sure what exactly Coltrane expects to find under there.
Jeannie: Yeah. There's plenty of storage space backstage here at the W*I*G-Sphere.

*True enough, Coltrane is unable to find anything to use, and Chaz grabs Coltrane by the ankles again, dragging him out from under the ring. Coltrane kicks & kicks at Chaz's hands until, once again, Chaz releases his grip. Coltrane scrambles over to the announce table, forcing the time-keeper off his chair. Coltrane waits until Chaz approaches before throwing the chair at him. Chaz ducks the chair, only for Coltrane to leap up & smash Chaz in the head with the ring-bell!*

Tom: Chaz just...
Jeannie: If you say "Chaz just got his bell rung by Coltrane" I swear to God I'm going to stab you!

*Coltrane tries to roll Chaz back into the ring, but Chaz is largely dead weight at this point. Coltrane, with considerable effort, manages to lift Chaz back up onto the ring apron & attempts to roll him back into the ring, but Chaz's head & neck are still on the apron. Coltrane scoots up to a corner & runs along the apron before hitting a Leg Drop on Chaz. Chaz bucks about wildly before rolling fully back into the ring himself. Coltrane retrieves the chair he took from the time-keeper earlier & returns back inside the ring. Coltrane jams the chair in between the top & middle turnbuckles. He drags Chaz back to a standing position & attempts to ram the "Tower of Power's" head into the chair jammed between the ropes. Chaz manages to bring himself & his opponent to a halt before his head can hit the metal seating implement. He elbows Coltrane with a sudden shot to the ribs & Coltrane releases Chaz from his grip.*

Tom: Chaz manages to break free from Coltrane but what has he got in mind now?

*Chaz picks Coltrane up onto one shoulder & goes charging towards that same corner, dropping Coltrane on to the ring-post with a Snake Eyes move. Coltrane staggers around a little bit before Chaz hefts him up by the feet. Chaz now has Coltrane positioned over his shoulder again, albeit differently than before. Keeping Coltrane draped over one shoulder, Chaz throws up a Maloik with his other hand & the crowd gives a roar of approval. Chaz cups Coltrane's feet & props him up a little bit straighter before taking a run towards the ropes. Chaz heaves Coltrane up & chucks him over the ropes with a Caber Toss & the crowd goes ballistic--especially when Coltrane goes careening through the other announcer's table, shattering it into pieces.*

Tom: Chaz sends Coltrane outside with the Caber Toss & the fans in the W*I*G-Sphere LOVE IT!
Jeannie: Coltrane can't be a fan, though, not after that heinous throw. Here, let me get him some aspirin--
Tom: Sit down, Jeannie.

*Chaz rolls out onto the floor, making his way over to high-five a few ringside fans. He then gets back to the business at hand, pursuing his wounded prey. Coltrane, being easily lifted from the wreckage, responds with a jawbreaker that sends Chaz back a few paces. As Chaz returns, Coltrane lashes out at him with a monitor, clocking the big man and sending him sprawling to the apron. Coltrane whips Chaz into the barricade, who nearly knocks the solid wall off its pegs with his impact. Wincing with pain, Chaz is suddenly vulnerable to Coltrane's charge--a Yakuza kick much like his own. The crowd boos the mimicry.*

Tom: Coltrane continuing to work on the head--and steal Chaz's moves.
Jeannie: Two hallmarks of the man's ring work.
Tom: The twisted thing is, he's not a bad wrestler. Why can't he just come up with his own traits and moves?
Jeannie: Do I look like an expert on this man? He just decided this was going to be his thing, I guess.

*Coltrane rakes Chaz's face along the barricade, increasing the bloodflow from the big Scot's forehead. Coltrane climbs onto the apron and leaps at his foe--only to be caught on Chaz's broad shoulders. Chaz spins around and around before driving Coltrane's chest into the barricade with a spinning flapjack!*

Tom: OUCH! I'll admit I don't like Coltrane very much, but that seemed superfluous.
Jeannie: If Coltrane can't breathe, he can't win! Great strategy, that. Seems Chaz has a good brain behind that pretty face of his.
Tom: Yeah, it's a shame that Coltrane's rattling it around so much in this match.

*Chaz pulls Coltrane off the barricade and lights him up with a stiff chop to the chest. Coltrane backs away, but Chaz presses his advantage with another rough chop. Coltrane staggers away in pain, throwing a blind mule kick that catches Chaz in the solar plexus. Coltrane makes some distance, but turns just in time to see Chaz approaching him again. Coltrane catches the bigger man and briefly gorilla presses him, nailing Chaz with a crisp European Uppercut as he descends.*

Tom: Oh boy, Coltrane's at it again.
Jeannie: From Chaz's expression, that theft just made him mad.

*Indeed, Chaz's clenched-jaw, wide-eyed glare shows less pain than anger--both rare emotions from the jovial giant. Coltrane's facial expression shows that he was clearly not planning on this.*

Chaz: Ye wee bawbag, if'n yer gonna do it, at leas' do it feckin' right!

*The human Xerox machine tries to make a break for it, but Chaz snags him by the back of his shirt and pulls him back, smoothly pressing him in the same motion. Chaz presses him a few times to show off in his usual fashion while taking a walk near the stands, then presses him one last time into the air before demolishing Coltrane with a European uppercut of his own, one that sends him crashing head-first to the floor. Chaz heaves a great breath to recover while Coltrane grips his head in agony. Chaz, with a hand on the barricade, asks a fan in the front row for a swig of his water. His thirst satiated by a big gulp, Chaz, proceeds to chat up the man, who happens to be wearing Chaz's older shirt.*

Chaz: So lad, wha' d'ye t'ink aye shoul' give 'im next?
Fan: Howzabout a big swing?
Chaz: Hmmmm...sounds good!

*Chaz doesn't quite get the chance, as Coltrane leaps at him with fists flying. Chaz covers up as best as he can, but a few blows sneak in, including another kick to the solar plexus that doubles the Hardcore Highlander over. Two more kicks to the chest follow that, and the flurry concludes with an elbow bash to Chaz's wide back. Coltrane hooks both arms over Chaz's back, eliciting boos from the crowd.*

Tom: Is he going for what I think he's going for?!
Jeannie: I understand your skepticism, but it really makes sense. The Dead End Driver is one of the few moves that's been shown to reliably fell Chaz Stone, and, in a strange way, this very move gave Coltrane his last win over Chaz. Why not stick with what works?
Tom: I still think it's scummy of him to try and blatantly steal his mentor's finisher like this.
Jeannie: With all that Jason Herefore has invested in the outcome of this match, ten gets you twenty he doesn't mind one bit.

*Coltrane tries to lift the bigger man, but to no avail. Just as he makes some headway, Chaz deadens his weight and frees his arms from the hold, tripping his foe to the floor by both feet. Still holding both legs, Chaz stomps on Coltrane chest. Then, he nods to his fan, locks up his enemy's legs under his arms, and begins swinging him around with reckless abandon. A grin stretches across his mug as he whirls around more and more. The tornado moves down the aisle, nearing the ringpost. Finally, Chaz shifts his hold enough to slam the copycat chest-first into the ringpost to the "ooooh"ing of the crowd. Coltrane tumbles to the ground in a heap, and Chaz has a seat as well.*

Tom: Holy hot sauce, what a rough landing for Coltrane!
Jeannie: Okay, that hurt ME, and I was just watching.
Tom: Chaz needs to get back on the offensive--this is no time for sitting down on the job.
Jeannie: Give him a break, Tom--he's dizzy!

*Lana, previously not a factor in the match, comes over to help Chaz to his feet and clear the cobwebs from his head. After getting to his feet, Chaz staggers over to his wounded foe, pulls him to his feet, and tosses him into the ring, head first. Chaz then bashes Coltrane's head with a big elbow before sliding into the ring himself. Chaz pulls his opponent up to his knees, but Coltrane rewards him with a punch to the dick. Chaz staggers forward in pain and Coltrane bounds off the ropes to further reward Chaz's generosity with a running DDT--perfectly ripped from Chaz's playbook. However, the move rattles his busted midsection, as well, leaving Coltrane unable to capitalize and cover Chaz for the pin. Chaz slowly rolls onto his chest, shaking his head rapidly. Coltrane, somewhat recovered, rolls onto Chaz and locks him into the Ye're Under Arrest, causing Chaz to become very irate.*

Tom: If I'm hearing this right, I'm glad the mics can't pick up what Chaz is saying right now.
Jeannie: Working a bit blue, is he? Well, I can't say that I blame him.

*Coltrane cranks back, increasing the loss of blood through Chaz's head wound. Chaz cleverly arches his back as to get his knees back under him. Slowly, he works to a base, also working his arms more free of the hold. Feeling the tide turn, Coltrane tightens his grip, but Chaz begins to stand. The copycat twines his legs around the bigger man when a new combatant comes through the crowd.*

Tom: Wait, what's Aidan Donnelly doing here?! Why's he got the World Championship Belt??
Jeannie: Who cares? This match just got a little sexier, is all.
Tom: I don't like where this is headed.

*Aidan lines up a belt shot on a fully standing Chaz Stone. As he rushes in, Chaz ducks down enough for the belt to connect with Coltrane's skull, causing him to release the hold and come crashing back to earth. A bit shocked, Aidan looks at his handiwork until Chaz takes him by the shoulder. Aidan spins around reactionarily and clocks Chaz with the title belt, sending him staggering into a corner.*

Tom: Boy, I hope he's proud of himself now--he's sticking his nose where it doesn't belong, and now he's ruined the match!
Jeannie: That's the beauty of the no-DQ match, Tom--anything can happen at anytime. Heck, Lana could jump off the ropes and start strangling Aidan.
Tom: Jeannie, that's--wait, here comes Lana now, on the top rope--she's got Aidan with a rear naked choke!
Jeannie: Ha, called it! Now Maeve's going to pry her off and they're going to brawl out of the ring area.
Tom: Maeve's not even here--wait, I see her coming through the crowd now! She's got a kendo stick, and she's yanked Lana off of Team Ireland's captain by her hair--Jeannie, what are you doing now?
Jeannie: Calling my bookie. I want to make my Breeders' Cup and NFL predictions while I'm hot!

*Lana manages to wrest herself free of Maeve's graps, connecting with a dropsault that sends the larger woman out of the ring. Maeve retaliates by dragging Lana out of the ring after her. The ladies brawl toward the back while Aidan yells at Lana while backing up. In the middle of his tirade, Aidan can no longer back up. Slowly the dawn breaks upon him and he drops the title belt, slowly turning around while the crowd cheers. He finds both of the legit contenders, men larger than he, staring daggers at him. They give each other a quick nod, then Chaz lashes forth, locking in a goozle on Aidan's throat. Coltrane follows suit with his own chokehold. Glancing briefly at each other, they both power Aidan off the ground and floor the poor sap with a double chokeslam!*

Tom: Chaz and Coltrane working together! Bet you didn't see THAT coming.
Jeannie: It won't last long.

*Sure enough, both men shove Aidan out of the ring. Then, Chaz quickly dumps Coltrane onto the apron, resuming hostilities between the two. Coltrane catches the top rope to keep from falling to the floor, struggling to his feet. Chaz swears to himself upon seeing this, certain he'd sent Coltrane to the floor. Chaz stalks over to his foe, but is met with a hard slap-chop combo. While the blows only serve to make Chaz angry, if his clenched jaw glare is to be believed, the eye rake which follows takes him off-guard. Chaz leans on the ropes to clear out his eyes, and Coltranes takes this opportunity to lock his enemy into a front facelock.*

Tom: He's not going to ty to suplex the big man to the floor, is he?
Jeannie: If he can get Chaz off the ground, then sure, why not? Easier said than done, mind you, but I wouldn't mind some Chaz butt right now.
Tom: You're terrible.

*Coltrane strains to get Chaz off the ground, but the larger man will not budge. Coltrane redoubles his efforts and uses the top rope for some leverage to get Chaz off his base, but Chaz hunkers down and manages to lift Coltrane, instead. Chaz pulls Coltrane all the way up, holds him in the air for his fans--even checking his non-existant watch--then locks his hand around Coltrane's throat.*

Tom: He's calling for the Emerald City Crash! Can Coltrane stop him?
Jeannie: My educated guess is no.
*BOOM*
Jeannie: Yikes! That sounded nasty!
Tom: It looked just as bad.
Jeannie: Coltrane can't be well! Here, let me go get him some braces and some TLC.
Tom: Sit down, Jeannie!

*Coltrane, still recovering from the Emerald City Crash he just received for his troubles, gets to his hands and feet. Pawing around for some help, he finds the announcer's chair he slid into the ring earlier. Chaz, too busy playing to the crowd to notice Coltrane's actions, bounces off the ropes for a charge move. With desperation, Coltrane lunges forward, chair in hand, hoping to connect with something. He brings the chair down hard on Chaz's head, now much more recovered, sending him backwards from his full-bore charge. Coltrane jabs Chaz in the chest with the weapon, then brings it down on his back, keeping Chaz doubled over. Throwing the chair to the mat, Coltrane hooks up a front facelock, to the booing of the crowd.*

Tom: What, not this now! Not the Bayou Blast!
Jeannie: Why not? Not only is it good for taking out bigger foes, as we saw earlier tonight, but it's a very personal insult as well. Chaz taught that move to Lana de la Croix! This is right up Coltrane's alley!

*Indeed, Coltrane leaps up and drives Chaz's head into the laid-out chair. Chaz flops to his back and Coltrane goes for a sprawling cover on Chaz's shoulders...*

1...
2...
Chaz PRESSES Coltrane off of him!

*The red on Chaz's face is 50% blood, 50% rage. Coltrane dashes off the ropes and hits the rising Scot with a nasty running knee that floors the big man once again. Coltrane takes to further insulting his foe by raking Chaz's forehead with the heel of his boot, then his bootlaces. Coltrane runs to the ropes for a dropkick, but is quickly swept off his feet when Chaz rises, catches him in mid-stride, and smashes him to the mat with a Seattle Spinebuster onto the chair!*

Tom: Big reversal just in time for Charles Stone.
Jeannie: Chaz is looking pretty tired, though--he's never had trouble in keeping up with his opponent, but he might have just outstripped himself here tonight.
Tom: Wow, I'm impressed. You just made an insightful comment about Chaz Stone without ogling him.
Jeannie: I don't mind it--the way his chest heaves when he breathes deeply...
Tom: *sigh* Welcome back, Jeannie. You're just in time to see Chaz drop Coltrane with the arm-trap enzuigiri!

*With Coltrane significantly out of it from the last few blows, Chaz rolls out of the ring. He strokes his beard thoughtfully, looking around for...something. Finally, he turns around and spies the steel ring steps, bane and boon in his match against Shane Malone, unbothered throughout the match. Chaz pulls the steps off their perch and shoves them into the ring under the bottom rope. As Chaz enters the ring again, Coltrane finds his chair again and begins recovering, getting to his hands and knees once more. Chaz grabs the steps and roars for the crowd, ready to knock the rising Coltrane's block off. As he charges, Coltrane now counters by jabbing the chair into Chaz's abs, abruptly stopping the rush. Coltrane then hits Chaz with a drop toehold that sends the big Scot
face-first into the steps. While Chaz is draped over the steps, stunned by the sudden impact, Coltrane is up in the corner, climbing the turnbuckles.*

Tom: High-flying is not usually part of Coltrane's arsenal.
Jeannie: My guess is that he's going for Hail St. Andrew.
Tom: Wouldn't shock me one damn bit if he did.

*Coltrane throws up a double Maloik to the crowd's outraged fury.*

Coltrane: Alba go Bra-th!
Tom: Oh come on! Stealing a move is one thing, but stealing your opponent's catchphrase is another!
Jeannie: Tom, you act like this has never happened before.
Tom: Coltrane has no business being a two-time W*I*G World Champion like this!
Jeannie: Whatever happened to being impartial, Tom Bailey?!
Tom: It's been a long night, and I'm tired--HOLY HAND GRENADE OF ANTIOCH, that had to hurt!
Jeannie: Coltrane's ribs might be caving in after hitting the steps that hard off the missed Hail St. Andrew.

*Chaz, having moved to recover, uses the ropes to get back to his feet. Staring at his crumpled foe, Chaz, still holding the top rope for stability, crouches into position to deliver a spear. Coltrane rises with some great difficulty and Chaz takes off. Coltrane sees him coming and barely has enough time to get out of the way, resulting in Chaz just barely grazing him with the move. Undeterred, the Scotsman bounds off the other ropes in full stride, leaps off the steel steps in his way, and crashes into Coltrane with an Undertaker-styled flying clothesline! Coltrane hits the ground hard, and Chaz is back to his feet in a hurry with a sudden burst of renewed energy. Chaz hauls Coltrane to his feet by his hair and cranks him into a gutwrench hold. Though Coltrane is at this juncture largely dead weight, Chaz has little trouble heaving him onto his broad shoulder. Chaz walks menacingly over to the steel steps as the crowd swells with anticipation.*

Chaz: ALBA...GU...BRATH!
Tom: Looks like Chaz is going for an encore from last PPV--YOWCH! Edinburgh Crush onto the steel steps!
Jeannie: Yikes, Coltrane looks like a broken accordian...let me go get him some ice packs.
Tom: This is the best part, c'mon!

*Chaz slowly cradles Coltrane's leg and goes for the big cover...*

1...
2...
3!
DING DING DING!

*Chaz rolls onto his hands and knees, a huge grin visible through the mask of blood covering his face. He nearly jumps to his feet, throwing out Maloiks with both hands and laughing heartily. "School's Out" by Alice Cooper begins blaring through the sound system, but who can hear it over the raucous crowd? The referee hands the giant Scot his hard-earned belt, which he hoists with his right arm. Lana arrives back through the crowd, bruised and tired, but looking nearly as pleased as Chaz. She lassoes Chaz with a big celebratory hug, but not before Chaz lambasts his fallen foe, pounding his chest and pointing to himself in a superior fashion.*

Chaz: Ye try ta be me, bu' ye cannae do it! Only Aye kin be me! An' Aye'm th' champ,

an' Aye'll be th' champ fer a long while!
Finkel: Here is your winner, and NEW W*I*G World Heavyweight Champion...the Hardcore

Highlander...CHAAAAAAAZ STOOOOOOONE!
Jeannie: How do you like that? The big fella is finally at the top of the heap!

*Fannie Package makes her way down to the ring and hoists Chaz onto her shoulders. After a bit, she sets Chaz on a turnbuckle, facing out toward the fans. Lana reverently hands Chaz his family claymore, which he accepts gratefully. Chaz shows the crowd some love, posing for the assembly with belt and blade as camera bulbs flash wildly throughout the arena.*

Tom: W*I*G has a new champion it can be proud of, and his name is Charles Wallace Stone, the brash, bold son of Scotland! For Jeannie Lawless, I'm Tom Bailey. Thank you for joining us for Halloween Hell II, and goodnight, everybody!

[Reynaldo Fernandéz]

*Shortly after Chaz's big title win, we see Chaz backstage, still celebrating with his friends.*

John Cena: John Cena here, with the new W*I*G World Heavyweight Champion, Chaz Stone. Chaz, how are you feeling right now?
Chaz: Lad, jus'as th' agony o' defeat is devastatin' th' joy o' vic'try is exhiliratin'. An' th' vic'tries we all 'ad! Fannie 'ere defended 'er belt an' shoot Maeve's mout' wha' good--
Fannie; She fought hard, but she just didn't have it in her tonight. If she wants to try again, she's more than welcome to come find me.
Chaz: --an' Lana 'ere *clapping her back hard* go' 'er firs' big win o'er Rosie, puttin' 'er in th' hospi'al in th' process--
Lana: Ya say dat like Ah oughta be proud of dat!
Chaz: An' why nae? She were a tough bint wit' anga in 'er 'art. Ta put 'er dun fer th' count is a very big t'ing!
Lana: Ah jes' hope she's all righ'. Ah didn' mean ta hurt her, Ah sweah.
Chaz: Dun fret sae much, Killa--she's so 'ard-'eaded, she's sairt'n t' be okay.
Lana: *sigh* Ah t'ink Ah'll send her a cahd...
Chaz: An' o'course, Aye'm th' big deal, winnin' th' big belt in th' fed t'nigh'. Dat mean's Aye'm th' bigges' target, bu' tha' fer once, Aye'm in charge o' mah destiny. Ennybody who wanna make a name fer demselves, dey go t'rough me. Dat's th' way a true warrior likes it! Aye'll take on all challengers, an' merrily, t'boot! Needless ta say, dis 'as been a great nigh'! Mah only regret izzat me family could nae be in th' audience t'see me in me greates' momen' in th' sun. But...enuff o' dat. Tamorrow's fer reflectin'--tanigh', we'll make our own 'ero's welcome. Tanigh' we feast, drink, an' write our own victors' hymns. Th' worl' will know us all by name by dis time tamorrow, o' dat Aye kin assure ye. Come, lasses--th' day is won, th' nigh' is ours!

*With that, Fannie finally pops the cork on a champagne bottle, showering her redheaded companions. The celebration now has truly begun! Only God knows how long it will last...*

©2009 W*I*G Productions.